Page 85 of Missing

“What happened? Did I do something? Say something to upset you?”

I could feel my lower lip trembling as I shook my head. Now that I was sitting down and actually doing it, breaking up withhim, all the things I’d rehearsed to make this easier flew out of my head.

“I, we, this isn’t going to work,” I said, instead of answering his question.

“Why? Is it because I stayed when Chase asked me to have dinner with you? Did I overstep by accepting.” He was struggling to keep his voice calm, but I could hear his confusion.

“No, that’s not it.”

“Beth, please?”

It was time to put on my big girl panties and do this. “Doug, I can’t give you what you want.”

And even if I could, I’m afraid of losing you.I hadn’t fully recovered from the fear of losing Chase, and the memories of losing Phil were back in the front of my mind.

“What the hell does that mean?” Doug raised his voice then looked at the stairs. He couldn’t know he hadn’t been loud enough to wake Chase.

But he was loud enough, and his frustration obvious enough, that I cringed.

“I’m too old to have kids.” My nails dug into my hands as I spoke.

His shoulders relaxed as he said, “I know that, and it’s not a problem-”

I cut him off. “You say that now, but you’ll change your mind.” I blinked back the tears threatening to fall. I needed to be strong, or at least not look like a blubbering fool, while I got through this.

“Beth, please lis-” The frustration was back in his voice.

Why won’t he listen to me?I’m doing this for him. If anyone should be frustrated, it’s me. I’m trying to save us a lot of heartache down the road.

“You deserve the life you want, the family you want.”

“Will you please-”

I shook my head as I cut him off. Nothing he could say would make me change my mind. “No, this is for the bes-”

Doug stood up and put his hands on the table. His sudden movement knocked his chair over, forcing him to shout over the sound of it crashing. “Beth, will you please be quiet and list-”

“Mommy?” Chase’s scared voice reached us from the stairs.

Shit.

“Chase, everything’s okay.” I turned to Doug and said, “You should leave.” I couldn’t deal with him and calm Chase down.

“Beth, please?”

“Just go.” I brushed away the tears I could no longer hold back as I watched him leave.

“I’ll be right there, Baby.” I said as I walked to the front door to lock it behind him. Out the window, I could see Doug’s shoulders slouched forward, making him look smaller. Defeated. He glanced back at the house before getting in his truck, but I couldn’t read his expression in the dark.

Watching him leave tore at my heart, but doing so bought me some much-needed time to compose myself before I talked to Chase.

The last week had been hell. Chase and I had been through so much, and now I had to wipe the tears from his face yet again while I explained why Mr. Doug was upset.

He’s upset with me for doing what’s best. How was I supposed to explain that to Chase?

“Mommy, why are you crying?” One look at Chase’s crest-fallen face and I changed my mind.

Fuck the truth.

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