Page 84 of Missing

Was she just overwhelmed and not feeling like herself?

Or was she pushing me away, and avoiding me so she didn’t have to tell me?

Chapter 43

Beth

Chase was thrilled when I told him we were going to see Grandma. She didn’t know about our recent ordeal; I’d intentionally not told her because I didn’t want to risk making her declining health worse. I waited until Chase had some time to recover before bringing him for a visit.

And I want to avoid seeing Doug. No doubt about it, I was being a coward.

I was sure my mom was curious why we were making an unexpected visit on a Monday, but I couldn’t tell her over thephone. It was better to tell her in person, so she could see Chase was safe and sound, eliminating her need to worry.

And it did, but it didn’t stop her from being angry at me for not telling her when it was happening.

“I could have been there for you,” she said.

“I know Mom, but I didn’t want to worry you.” She couldn’t drive anymore, so there wasn’t much she could have done except call and offer support, or express concern.

“I forgive you. Just don’t do it again.” Her voice was weak but still held authority. “It’s my job to worry about you. And I’m not so sick I need you protecting me from scary news.”

“I promise. Hopefully, we never have to go through anything like that again.”

Luckily, Mom was having a good day and in high spirits. She hugged Chase a little more than usual, which Chase didn’t mind. He didn’t see her nearly enough.That’s my fault. Not wanting to miss out on what was left of her life, I made a vow to visit more often.

More than once my mom asked me why I seemed distracted, and every time I blamed it on what had happened.

She nodded and said, “uh huh,” each time. I half expected her to badger me with questions, but thankfully she let it go.

We headed home after lunch, so my mom could take a nap. As we were leaving, I promised we’d be back soon. She told me to call when I was ready to talk about what was really bothering me.

I didn’t think I’d ever tell her about Doug. There was no point since I had to let him go.

After we got home, I called Doug and asked if he could come over after Chase went to bed.

When Doug arrived, I led him to the kitchen table rather than the living room. I wanted the table between us as a buffer. Not because I thought he’d hurt me, he wouldn’t, but because I wasafraid I’d lose my resolve if he was close enough to touch. To feel his comforting warmth radiating off his body. To smell the clean leather and pine scent he so often wore.

His greeting was formal. His expression reserved. Not like his normal stoic work expression, or the smile he always wore when he was with me.

He knows something’s wrong.

It wasn’t like I’d done a good job of hiding it. I hadn’t answered his phone calls, and my text messages were short and impersonal. It didn’t take a PI to know something was up.

“Beth, is everything okay?”

The concern in his voice made me want to reconsider, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t condemn him to a life without kids.

“Do you want something to drink? Tea? Coffee?” I avoided his question as I fidgeted in the kitchen. Doing anything to avoid making eye contact.

“No, what I want is for you to sit down and talk to me.” His voice had an impatient edge to it. It was a tone he’d never used with me before.

I deserved his irritation after being so distant and rude. I was a grown woman, a mature adult.You’re not acting like it.

Time to face the music. I sat across from him, clasped my hands together, and rested them on the table.

“Doug, this isn’t going to work.” I couldn’t look him in the eyes, so I stated at his chest. His strong, warm chest that always felt so good, so safe, to relax into as he held me.

His chest lifted as he inhaled sharply, then fell when he released his breath. When he reached for my hands, I pulled them away and set them in my lap.

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