Page 83 of Missing

Just rip off the band aid.

Chase and I would both feel the loss when Doug left, but loss was a part of life. A painful, unavoidable part. Tears slid from my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. I didn’t want to push him away—I was in love with him.

ButI just don’t see how this can work.

Chapter 42

Doug

When Chase screamed, I instinctively followed Beth upstairs with my hand on my pistol. Luckily, it was just a nightmare. Not that Chase would consider himself lucky, but he wasn’t the one with a hundred and one bad scenarios racing through his mind as he sprinted up the stairs.

I relaxed my shoulders after scanning his room, confirming there was no external threat. Then I stood in the doorway while Beth comforted him.

I hadn’t meant to attract his attention but couldn’t help chuckling when he asked for chocolate milk.He’s milking thisfor all it’s worth. But I did, and he invited me to join them. I couldn’t say no to him.

After we finished our ice cream, I said goodbye and left for the night.

I had intended on staying the night to offer what little comfort my presence brought but, given the circumstances , wanted to give them their privacy. Beth didn’t ask me to stay.

Damn it! I shoved my truck into reverse.Chase’s timing sucks.Not that it was his fault.

I was finally going to tell her I’m sterile, and was halfway through the sentence before Chase’s screams cut me off.

When Beth had casually asked if I wanted kids, I’d been ready to answer. Unlike every other time I’d tried to bring it up and tell her in the past, this time hadn’t felt awkward or forced. It was time to share my secret. Reveal my shame.

She might send me away, not wanting a defective man to raise her son.

She might tell me she didn’t care because she was past childbearing years.

Or she might tell me it’s okay, then one day suddenly decide it’s not and rip my heart out.

That’d be the worst outcome. Of course, the first one wasn’t ideal either, but at least it would be immediate.

“I’ll talk to her tomorrow,” I said to my steering wheel.

Then I turned up my radio to drown out my thoughts.

Later that night, I tossed and turned as I thought about all the possible reactions Beth might have when I finally told her my secret. I argued back and forth with myself. My fears and insecurities on one side, my knowledge of, and trust in, Beth on the other.

Beth wasn’t the type to judge someone and get rid of them just because they had a physical defect.

“I have to trust in that, in her.”

What if she lies?

“She’s not a liar.”

Or changes her mind down the line?

“That’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

The revelation shook me to my core. I finally fell asleep, comforted by the knowledge—Beth was worth the risk.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get to talk to Beth the next day. She sent a text early in the morning saying she was taking Chase to her mom’s for the day.That’s fine.Hell, it was probably a good idea, they needed some downtime and from what she’d told me about her mom, they’d be loved and spoiled all day.Good for her.

I sent a quick reply: Have a good day.

I reread her text throughout the day, and each time I did, the more off it seemed. It wasn’t her normal energy.

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