Page 2 of Beaten

My phone vibrated, interrupted my thoughts.

Thinking of you. Let me know if there’s anything I can do.

Thanks Madi

I’ll call later

I’ll be at mom’s for dinner. Video chat about 7?

That should work. Tell Jack and Meg I said Hi. Love you, little brother.

22 minutes Madi

Love you too

The normalcy of our long-standing joke made me smile. My twin sister Madeleine, Madi, always referred to herself as my older sister and I always reminded her it was only twenty-two minutes. Madi was serving in the Navy, currently stationed in New Orleans, so she couldn’t join us in person for dinner, but thanks to modern technology, we could video chat. At some point today I’d probably hear from my youngest brother, Jaden, though it was harder for him to call because he was currently serving as a Marine Raider in a war zone.

I sipped my coffee. “Madi says hi. You can say hi back when we video chat later.”

I sensed Isabelle’s parents when they arrived, but they held back, allowing me a few more minutes of privacy as I kneeled and placed a bouquet of pink and purple tulips, her favorite flowers, on her grave.

“I miss you Isabelle,” my voice cracked, “So damn much.” I wiped away a tear as it rolled down my cheek. Sitting back on my heels, I filled her in on all the things that had happened since my last visit. “We finally moved into the new office, I think you’d like it. Jay’s transferring to North Carolina soon, and plans on coming home for a few days. Ma is beside herself with joy, and Meg’s excited to finally meet him in person.” At first I’d felt awkward talking to her, but after four years I’d gotten used to it. I felt connected to her through our one-sided conversations, and it helped ease my pain. But not my guilt. I still carried that every day.

My anger - at myself, at her murderer, at God - built as I sat there, clenching my fists. The joyful tune of birds chirping in the trees was the only sound disrupting the eerie silence.

You didn’t deserve this.

Her mom’s small comforting hand on my shoulder snapped me back to the present before my anger and guilt could drown me. I reached up and gently squeezed, silently thanking her, before letting go and standing up. She wrappedme in a warm, comforting hug; her head not quite reaching my chin.

“It’s not your fault, Jamie.”

But it was, I should have protected her.

Before she could gently guided me away from the headstone, I turned back whispered, “I miss you.”

I stood back to give Isabelle’s parents, some privacy. Regardless of what she’d said, it was my fault they were here instead of at home dreaming about their future grandchildren.I bet we would’ve had at least one by now. The thought brought a fresh wave of pain, and guilt. I blinked a few times to hold back my tears. I should’ve been able to protect her. But I couldn’t, and I’d never forgive myself for it.

Later, as we ate breakfast for lunch, we shared our favorite memories of Isabelle. After the server cleared our dishes, her mom reached across the table and took my left hand in hers. She gently touched the thin gold wedding band I still wore.

“Isabelle loved you so much, Jamie. She’d want you to be happy.” She held my gaze.

“Isabelle would want you to find love and happiness again, she wouldn’t want you to be lonely.” Her dad agreed.

“I know, but I’m not ready.”Will I ever be?I’d spent the last four years pouring my heart and soul into building Sheppard & Sons Investigations, keeping myself too busy to even think about dating.If only it could’ve kept me too busy to feel.

Later that evening, I shared memories of my late wife with my family. Our after dinner video call with Madi was short but sweet, and filled with love and support. Before sayinggoodbye, she asked Ma and Meg to give me hugs for her. I accepted without complaint; I needed all the hugs I could get today.

As we were saying our goodbyes, Ma said, “Jamie, I think Isabelle would want you to find someone to share your life with. For you to be happy.”

“Her mother said the same thing.” I said to my shoes, so she couldn’t see my expression. They all meant well; and I was lonely.But am I ready?After a few seconds, I looked up and met her eyes. “I don’t know if I’m ready.” My voice sounded small, sad.

“Start with something small son, maybe take off your wedding ring.” Dad added, “Give yourself some time to adjust to how it feels.”

I compulsively reached for my ring to make sure it was still there, which, of course, it was. It was a part of me, and I hadn’t taken it off since the day we said I do, the day I’d sworn to love, honor, and protect her.

I’d loved her with all my heart, honored her with my every fiber of my being, but I’d failed to protect her.And now she’s gone.

Chapter 2

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