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Where the fuck am I?Panic filled every cell in my body. My heart was beating out of my chest. I screamed when I heard my name.

It took my fear-addled brain a second to recognize Jack’s voice.

“Meg, what’s wrong?” Jack kneeled in front of me. The ambient light from the TV allowed me to see the worry in his eyes.

I exhaled sharply. “Jack?”

“I’m here.” He was rubbing my arms and shoulders. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I had a nightmare. I didn’t know where I was when I woke up. Sorry if I freaked you out.”

Jack sat on the couch, wrapped his arms around me, and held me close. “It’s okay. You’re okay. You fell asleep watching the movie.” He lifted my chin and looked into my eyes. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No, not right now, but thanks. I think I’ll, um, go get some water.” Jack’s scrutiny was a little too much to handle while I was still upset. He was trying to help, but I didn’t want to talk about it.

“You stay here. I’ll get it for you.”

“Are you sure?”

He stood up. “I’m sure.”

I looked at the clock: twelve-thirty. How long was I asleep? The last thing I remembered was the opening credits.

I got up and walked to the bathroom. I wanted to splash cold water on my face to wash away the memories clinging to the edges of my mind.

Will I ever be free from him?I asked the mirror. Jack was waiting for me, so I patted my face dry and went back to the living room.

He handed me a glass of water after I sat back down. “Will you tell me about your nightmare? It might help to get it out in the open, take away its power.”

“It was nothing. Just my over-active imagination.” I could tell he didn’t believe me and was grateful he didn’t push it.

After a few seconds of awkward silence, Jack asked me if I wanted him to take me home.

“Do you mind? I feel bad that I keep ruining our dates.”

“Please don’t apologize. I understand.”

He couldn’t possibly understand the nightmares that terrorized me. He didn’t know they were memories of abuse and rape. And he never would. I couldn’t live with the shame. And he’d drop me like a hot brick if he ever found out.

I stared into my glass, wishing I could drown my shame at the bottom.

He sat next to me and rubbed my back, reminding me of my grandmother when she would comfort me.

“Let me grab my keys and I’ll take you home.”

“Okay.”

Chapter 32

Meg

The next morning I was almost late for the first time since starting at Grannie’s. “Sorry I’m late.” I said to Beth as I ran to the back and put my purse in my locker.

Beth chuckled. “Relax, you’re not late.”

“Thanks. I hate cutting it this close.” I caught my breath as I tied my apron.

After getting everything ready to open, I made myself a latte, with an extra shot. Mary and Beth often reminded me free drinks were a perk of working here, but I’d always felt too self conscious to make myself anything other than a regular coffee or tea. Today was different. I knew I was going to need the extra boost after being up all night.

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