Page 37 of Alliance

Our chefs didn’t cook like this. Lily and I were eating gourmet meals from the second we learned how to hold a fork and spoon.

Naz chuckled beside me. “If you tell me you’ve never had a grilled cheese, I will faint.”

“Not like this,” I tell him, taking another bite.

“Rich people,” he says with a throaty laugh. “You over complicate everything.”

He’s not wrong. I shrug in response and take another bite.

This.

This simplicity, the effortless banter, I think this is what life is supposed to be.

There's a feeling, like a piece of string is tugging me toward Naz, connecting the two of us with a single line. I can’t help the way the corners of my lips tug up into a smile at everything he says. His eyes sparkle and I become lost in them.

I think this is how you’re supposed to feel about someone, this happiness is how you’re supposed to exist.

Why is there so much pain and suffering when we could all havethis?

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he says, his curious gaze locked on me.

“I never learned how to…be with someone.But this, this thing between us justfeels right.Do you know what I mean?”

Naz’s eyes glance away for only a moment as he dusts the crumbs from his hands. “I do,” he whispers, and for the first time tonight I can sense the fear that lingers in his words.

I’m waiting for thebut, waiting for all the reasons why we shouldn’t be here to come rushing back.

But they don’t.

“I don’t want to ruin this moment,” I whisper.

“Me neither.” His hand reaches forward, locking his fingers around mine.

“My dad is having an affair,” I blurt out, the fact leaving my lips like a dirty secret. Which it’s not.

It’s not uncommon for men in our family to havegoomahs, I just wish I didn’t know about it.

“And I don’t understand,” I continue saying, “because he and Ma are like a power couple. They love each other more than me, I think.”

“It’s not about that.” Naz says, “There’s a difference between sex and love, they don’t always go together.”

“You don’t think sex equals love?” The question comes out harsher than I meant for it, but Naz doesn’t look offended.

He smiles slightly as he answers me. “Nah, you’re missing what I’m saying. Sex doesn’t always have a connection, sometimes it’s just for simple pleasure. But if you get both, the sex and the connection, well that's just…amazing.” His eyes lift to meet mine as he says the last word and my heart pounds in the walls of my chest.

“And what do we have?” I lick my lips, waiting for his answer to my hushed question.

A lopsided smirk rises on Naz’s face. “What do you think?”

I know without a doubt that what we have isn’t just sex.

But I’m terrified that I’m wrong. The fear of blowing up my entire world and his over something that was just a quick mistake clouds my judgement.

Because even though I can feel our connection in my soul, I’m terrified of what that means.

“I don’t know how to do this,” I whisper.

“No one does.” He squeezes my hand, the gesture reassuring me and anchoring me back to this moment. “We all just pretend, and we fuck up a lot. You’re not perfect, Lana, but here’s a secret: no one is.”

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