And simple.
And perfect.
On Fridays, we pour wine into the glasses I bought off the sale rack. Intertwining our arms and drinking it as if we’re some sort of royalty, and then we laugh as we disconnect ourselves.
On Saturdays he sleeps in, and I get up first. Which is the opposite of during the week when he’s up and out of the house before my eyes have even opened. He works as a mechanic at a shop down the street. He doesn’t strip the parts from the cars, nor does he sell drugs to the customers.
We both have paychecks that go into an onshore bank account.
It’snormal.
And while I know where every gun is stored in the house, each in a location easily accessible in case someone breaks in, the information slips into the back of my mind. I know there’s a bag of cash in the closet and I have the account number of the offshore bank account memorized.
And while we’re “free” from the New Orleansfamiglia, New York keeps tabs on us as a favor to Sam.
There’s a backup plan in case we ever need to use it. In case the family up here decides their loyalty would be better served to my parents.
But for now, I push those thoughts away, seal them up like the cash in the closet.
For now, I find happiness. Let the warmth of it radiate over me. I laugh at Naz as he rolls a snowball and fires in it my direction only for it to crumble midair.
We pawned my engagement ring.
It should feel wrong, and we didn’tneedthe money, but there was something cathartic about it. The jeweler studied the ring with a magnifying glass, looking for any signs that it wasn’t real. Neither of us flinched when he valued it at fifty grand. Davis wasn’t cheap, and he had more money than he knew what to do with.
We took the cash and leased a small apartment for Naz’s mother. Between the ring and the cash Naz had been saving we had more than enough to set ourselves and her up. She wasn’t a fan of the idea of moving, but with both of her kids here, she eventually caved in.
I understood where she was coming from, she had lived in New Orleans her entire life, and now she was uprooting herself, moving to this new city. It was weird being so far from home, even weirder having no connections to home.
My runaway made the news. They even showed Davis’ tear-streaked face. I wonder how hard it was for him to fake that.
No one’s reached out to us though, no contact whatsoever.
I wasn’t surprised to learn that Naz and John had plotted the escape together, leaving everyone else out of the loop. As long as we stayed here, no one would come to find us. But if we went back to NOLA, we’d be fair game.
For me, it would mean going back to my parents, but it was a sure death sentence for Naz.
At first, the idea of never being able to go home ate away at me. I missed Madi and hated the thought of Lily’s tomb being left unattended.
But I adjusted. The fresh start was more needed than I realized. I had become so used to living under my parent’s thumbs, to having no life outside of the one they created.
New York was freeing. Naz and I decorated our small apartment for Christmas. Lugging a real tree up the steps and placing it in front of the window. We bought silly ornaments and anytime we saw one with an NYC landmark, we immediately purchased it and brought it home to add to our collection.
We strung Christmas lights throughout the apartment and in the evening we’d turn out the lights and shut the blinds, curling up on the couch under the golden glow of the lights.
I was mentally organizing all of the new memories, holding them close to my heart and replaying them in my head. It was as if I was catching up on all the things I’d missed over the years. All of the loving things you’re supposed to do with your family, I needed to do them all as soon as possible. Needed to enjoy every second of freedom.
And family... Naz’s was so much different than mine. His mother was a sweet woman. She reminded me so much of my late grandmother. She spent her free time teaching me how to cook after I had mentioned my mother had never taught me.
Elly had some fancy job at a marketing firm where she wore cute blazers and high heels. Every time she stopped by, she looked happy. Stressed pretty often, but happy with her life.
And Anthony, my heart melts every time I see him and Naz together. His face shines every time the kid is over. They’ll spend full Saturdays in front of the TV, working through endless levels of whatever game they’re playing. Laughter echoing through the apartment.
I think this is what life is supposed to be like. Family, food, love.
In our first week here, Naz asked me what I wanted. I stared at him for a full minute, my mind completely blank. Unsure of what or who I was before. Before Lily’s death, before my world was torn upside down. I have half a communication degree. I’m not even sure what I can do with that major. When I chose it, I didn’t think it would ever matter. After Lily’s death, nothing did.
But the colors have come back to my world, everything seems brighter and more vibrant. Suddenly I’m analyzing everything, wondering if it’s something I want, if it’s something I can do. I’m like a child, surrounded by endless opportunities.