Page 98 of The Life We Left Behind

This whole situation was new to us, and I’d inserted myself into their lives like I’d always been there without even thinking about how she’d feel about it. Everything inside me was telling me that I needed to back off a bit. Give her time to get used to the fact that she didn’t have to do everything alone now.

But then, whenever I thought about it, it made me feel physically sick.

I couldn’t step back. I couldn’t just pretend that I didn’t want to be with them every second of every day.

I’d finally found my place in the world, and I was terrified that I’d lose it just like everything else good I’d had in my life.

“I need to head home to get some fresh clothes and some paperwork from my office, so I think I’ll probably just stay theretonight,” I said, trying not to sound like I was forcing the words through my lips.

I grabbed another plate from the dish rack and started to dry it so I wouldn’t be tempted to look up and see the relief on her face.

“You don’t have to leave,” Delaney said quietly. “I need to talk to you about something.”

I could hear the dread in her voice.

This wouldn’t be good.

With a sigh, I put the plate in the cupboard and then tossed the towel on the counter before I finally turned around to look at her.

“Okay. I’m just going to throw it out there. I know I’m always here, and I’m probably stepping on some toes, and I should probably apologize for that, but I won’t. I want to be involved. I want to help. I need to help. I can back off and stay at my place more, but I’m always going to be around. And it’s not just for Cade, Lanes. It’s you too. I’ll say it now, so there’s absolutely no confusion on the matter.You both belong with me. I want it all. I want the life that was denied to us. I want every single second I can have. And maybe you don’t want that. Maybe you’re not ready for that. But I won’t step back when it comes to Cade. He’s my absolute first priority from here on out. And if you need time to come to terms with me being in your life, then I can give you that. But I’m shooting my shot, Laney. I’m going to prove to you that I’m the man that deserves to be by your side. I love you. I’ve always loved you. And if it takes me the rest of my life to show you just how much, then I’ll do it. I’ll do whatever it takes.”

I was panting by the time I’d finished, and she sat at the kitchen table staring at me with wide, surprised eyes.

Thank God Cade was in his room, and Blake had gone out for the night again because I did not need an audience for this moment. This was the talk we should have had when we first saweach other again. It was time to put up the boundaries that we both needed and work through everything that we should have discussed way before now.

Delaney started to shake her head, and I braced myself for the blow that was about to come. I could take it. I deserved it. We would never have been in this place if I had fought for her. If I’d had been smart enough to realize that my mother had never met a situation she hadn’t manipulated for her own gain. I should have made Delaney tell me to my face that she didn’t want me, and then I’d have known the truth.

If she needed time, if she needed space, I’d make myself give it to her. But I was serious when I said I wasn’t giving up on this. I couldn’t. Not this time. Not when it had been the biggest mistake of my life the first time.

“It’s not that,” she said quietly, and I felt myself sag against the kitchen counter in relief. “It’s…god, I have to show you something, and it’s so horrible I don’t know how you’re going to feel about it. I don’t even know how I feel about it.”

“Whatever it is, we’ll work through it together,” I told her firmly.

I went to move around the table to go to her side, but before I could reach her, she stood and left the room. Of course I followed her. I’d always follow.

Delaney grabbed a box from the living room and moved it to the coffee table as she sat down in front of it. I recognized it from this morning. When she looked up at me and patted the couch beside her for me to join her, the nerves struck. What the fuck was in the box?

By the time I’d sat down, she was opening the top and pulling out a binder, which she placed in my lap, one hand resting on top so I couldn’t open it immediately.

I looked up and met her gaze. She was worried about how I was going to react to whatever was inside here, and that scared me more than I’d ever experienced before.

“I’m right here,” she murmured as she pulled her hand away and nodded toward the binder.

My hands were shaking as I opened it. The words of Barrett’s letter flowed through me, chilling me to the core. When I looked up again, Delaney was crying. Her arms were wrapped around herself like she was trying to physically hold herself together as she silently wept.

I tossed the binder on the couch beside me and gathered her up into my arms, pulling her onto my lap. It was impossible not to go to her when she was so sad. My whole body ached for her.

Delaney clung to my shirt as she buried her face against my chest and wept for the betrayal that seemed to follow us everywhere. For the loss of a father figure who had been so important in her young life and was apparently denied to her when she’d needed him the most.

The strangest thing was that I could understand why he’d done what he did. It hurt to know that deep down, he didn’t think I was good enough to be in her life. But I could understand wanting the world for the woman in my arms. It was what I wanted for her, after all. The difference was that I intended to be right by her side when I gave it to her.

We sat on the couch, and I held her until she’d cried all the tears, and when she finally looked up to meet my gaze, I knew she was ready to talk.

“You know it doesn’t make any difference, right?”

“How can it not make a difference, Trace?” she said incredulously. “Hedidthis.”

“And he didn’t do it alone. We already knew what Regina had done. We already knew we’d been deceived in the worst possible way. Am I surprised that Barrett was involved? Yes. Does ithurt any more than it already does? No, I don’t think it does.” I could see she was getting ready to argue. “Barrett wasyourfather, Delaney. And it hurts me to know that he didn’t think I was good enough for you in some way. But my family’s betrayal hurts more. Chelsea lying to me all these years and everything that followed. I haven’t even found a way to really think about it yet. The way my mother treated you tears me up inside so much that I want to find a way to make her hurt even a fraction of what I have. But this? This is just more of an explanation for how we got here. And there is nothing in this binder or any binder in the world that could make me feel any less for you and Cade.”

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