Page 96 of The Life We Left Behind

Oh, crap. Yes, we’d talked about this before, but I didn’t want Trace to think we were gossiping behind his back.

He pushed off of the refrigerator and closed the gap between us in two steps, pulling me into his arms as he buried his face against my neck. “Have you been holding out on me?” he asked as he gently ran his lips across my skin.

“Gah! I love you both, but can you be less sickeningly happy in front of me,” Blake declared dramatically before she left the room, cradling her coffee and giggling to herself.

I twisted in Trace’s arms and kissed him softly. “I wasn’t bad-mouthing your ideas.”

“I never thought you were.” He glanced at his watch and swore softly. “Shit, I’ve got to run, but I’d love to hear your ideas later.”

He kissed me quickly and grabbed his coat and briefcase from the kitchen table. “Text me what time you want to meet up, and I’ll clear my calendar for this afternoon,” he shouted over his shoulder as he jogged out the front door.

I was still dreamily staring after him, thinking about how this was exactly how I wanted my life to be, when Blake stepped into my line of vision.

“I like seeing you this happy, Lanes.”

The smile on my lips stretched wider. “I like being this happy too,” I admitted.

It wasn’t that I hadn’t been happy in the city. I think I was just too caught up in what needed to be done every day that I just never gave myself the time to feel. But being here, and having Trace in our lives, everything just felt right.

“I’m heading out with my sketchbook for the day to explore around town and catch some inspiration. Do you and Cade want to join me and show me the sights?”

“Oh, I would have loved to do that, but I’m supposed to be dropping by the school this afternoon. I’ve got some time this morning, though. We could head into town, walk around for a bit before grabbing lunch and then separating off.”

“That sounds great. I’m going to go and give the boy a shove.”

“You know he’s been awake for hours, right?”

“I refuse to believe that I live in a world where people wake up before 8 a.m.,” she shouted as she walked out of the kitchen.

Blake would never have survived an office job. She was lucky she had a huge amount of talent for what she wanted to do. Otherwise, she’d have starved to death long before now. Well, that or had a long, hard shock as she was shoved into the real world.

I shook my head in exasperation, and my eyes caught the dreaded box. Ugh. I guess I could do a bit now and then finish it off after we went to the school this afternoon. I didn’t know why they were insisting we went on a tour. I’d spent years walking those halls.

The cardboard scuffed against the counter as I pulled it toward me and opened the top. It hadn’t been sealed, and as soon as I opened it, I recognized the contents. I’d been looking for this box. It was the one from the counter with the paperwork inside. I was hoping it had some of the tax documents that the lawyer was waiting on.

Instead of rummaging through it at the counter, I carried it over to the kitchen table and sat down. Might as well empty thewhole thing out and start making piles of what we needed to keep, file away, and send on to the lawyer. It weirdly made me feel better that my father hadn’t done this bit or that he’d maybe forgotten about it. I didn’t feel quite as useless now that there was something I could do.

It had been kind of him to do as much as he could. I could see it now. In fact, it was exactly what I would have done in his position. He was faced with an impossible prognosis, and he protected me from it for as long as he could. I was always his little girl, and these were the misguided things we did as parents.

As I started to pull out the contents of the box, I frowned because it wasn’t the paperwork I’d assumed it was. Under the binder I’d shoved in, there were photographs of me and Cade, bits and pieces from trips he’d taken over the years to the city. I flipped open the binder to look through it, and my hands froze in shock. This was a chronicle of Cade’s entire life. I didn’t know he’d been doing this.

I opened the binder to the beginning and saw the first entry. Except this one was in the form of a letter. It was from my father, and it was addressed to Trace.

Part of me didn’t want to read it. It wasn’t for me. I didn’t have a right to read this before he did. But my eyes had already grazed the first line, and the implication was so horrifying that I couldn’t stop myself from reading the rest.

Trace,

By the time you see this, you’ll know what we did. What we took from you. There are no apologies that can ever make up for the wrong that I’ve done to you, but I’m going to give them to you anyway.

I had no right to interfere. No right to hide them from you. I’m so very sorry. I have lived with this shame for Cade’s entirelife, and I pulled away from them partly through the guilt and partly to punish myself. I had no right to be a part of the lives that I stole from you. I know that won’t make you feel better and that it can never make up for what I did, but I still wanted you to know.

When Chelsea told me that Delaney was pregnant, I knew I needed to do something to protect her from being stuck in this town. It was never about you. I always wanted the very best for my daughter, and I knew if she stayed here with you, she’d never leave. She’d never go to college. She’d never have a chance to see what the world could hold. And in my ill-advised judgment as her father, I convinced myself that I was doing the right thing. That I was giving her a chance to live the life she’d always dreamed of.

I didn’t know about the legal document, and I didn’t know about the check, but that doesn’t remove my culpability. I was just as responsible for what happened as Regina was.

Cade is an amazing kid. Of course, he is. He’s part Delaney and part of you. I know this is all too little, too late, and maybe I’m only doing this now because I have the chance to take the coward’s way out.

I could never face you in life knowing what I’d done.

---