Page 56 of The Life We Left Behind

“What do you mean? I’m fine. Busy. Overwhelmed. But I’m getting through it all.” I could hear the slightly too high pitch of my voice as I rambled over my excuses. I wasn’t even convincing myself.

“Hmmm. Are you though?”

I sighed. If ever there was a person that I could be honest with, it was Blake. I didn’t even know why I was even trying to avoid the issue. I’d feel far better about this whole situation if I talked it out with her.

I sighed again, and she raised an eyebrow, knowing I was trying to put off answering. “I’m angry,” I admitted. “I’m angry that he didn’t tell me. I’m angry that he thought it was more important to do all this than to let me help him. And I’m so angry that I don’t feel like I have room to be sad, and that just makes me feel…guilty. Because he did all this for me, and it feels like he made the ultimate sacrifice to try to make this process even the tiniest bit easier for me. And all I can do is have a tantrum and not even appreciate it. What kind of person does that make me?”

“I’d say it makes you a normal person.” Blake leaned her head against my shoulder and then continued. “I think you feel exactly how a lot of people in your position would feel. You won’t feel like this forever, Delaney. It’s just a way of processing. And when you’ve had the chance to do that, the grief is going to hit. When it does, I’m going to be here for you.”

I sniffled, feeling that ache inside my chest that I didn’t want to acknowledge yet. Because it wasn’t just that I was angry. I wasn’t ready to be sad yet. There was so much to do. So much uncertainty hanging over us all. I was the only one left to look out for Cade and Blake as well. I had to hold it together forthem. I had to give my father the funeral he deserved. And once we were through that, once I had nothing else left to focus on but getting through the usual day to day, that would be my time when I could finally admit that it hurt. That it hurt more than I thought was possible to bear. I’d cry all the tears that felt like they were drowning me. And maybe I’d be lucky enough to find some kind of peace in the end.

Cade came skipping back to us, excitement lighting up his face and the biggest smile on his face. “There are sooooo many trees.”

He had no idea what he’d interrupted, but it didn’t matter because he came bounding up to me and threw his arms around my waist. This kid made the world stop spinning slightly too fast because when he was with me, it was impossible to focus on anything else.

“They’re fruit trees, too,” I told him. “Every year, this whole place smells like apples.”

His eyes widened like I’d told him something impressive, and I squeezed him tighter to me for a moment as we all walked into the old orchard.

“I don’t think we should build a treehouse in here,” Cade said seriously. “These trees already have an important job to do.”

“That’s a good point.”

He shuffled a bit and then looked up at me. “Why does someone want to buy this place? Is it so they can live here instead?”

I cocked my head to the side, wondering if that was why Cade really wanted to stay. Did he just not want to share this place with anyone else?

“No, sweetheart. They want to build a big hotel and put a golf course here.”

“What will happen to the trees?” he asked, looking down the rows of apple trees that were older than I was.

“I guess they’ll have to cut them down.”

I hadn’t thought about that until now. The house would probably be knocked down too. This whole place would be wiped clean off the map and something else put in its place. Nothing would be left of my family, of me, in Willowbrook.

“That’s sad,” Cade whispered.

“I don’t get it,” Blake suddenly blurted out. “Like, I get it that they want to bring in tourism into the area and make jobs and stuff, but how is this going to do that?”

“I doubt it will. Or at least it won’t do what the town needs it to do. We need families moving here, people who are going to build businesses and create a place where others want to visit. They need kids who are going to fill the schools and people who will contribute to the economy by shopping at the grocery store and visiting the local mechanic. All this place will do will be to bring in some rich people who stay at the hotel to play golf. They’re not going to go into town. It doesn’t have the fancy boutiques to shop in or high-end restaurants that would appeal to them.”

Blake was nodding along in agreement, but there was something in her eye that always meant she had a point she was about to drive home, and I was completely falling for it.

“So, if you were going to do it differently, what would you do?” she asked, trying to make it sound like a simple question and completely failing.

“It needs smaller bed-and-breakfast places or cute little country inns. The types of shops that tourists want to visit that sell local artisan products, experiences, and town events. Things that draw in people from the city who want to experience the quiet of small-town life and then end up staying because they never want to go back to the noise.”

Blake grinned, and Cade started to run circles around us. They were totally working together on this.

“Then we should stay!” Cade cheered. “Stop the hotel and make something better.”

I squinted in annoyance at Blake. There was no way she wasn’t a part of this too.

“I bet I could open up such a cute little gallery around here,” she said, trying to sound all innocent like it had only just occurred to her. “And Cade would be a perfect candidate for one of those kids you want to go to the school.”

“Yes! I’m awesome at school,” Cade cheered again.

“Now we just need to figure something out for your mom,” Blake added, one finger tapping her chin as if she was starting to think it through. “Hmmm, maybe a business in town. I wonder if she’s put any thought into starting her own business recently.”

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