Page 49 of The Life We Left Behind

The porch swing lurched forward, and she quickly sipped at her wine to stop it from spilling over. More proof that chugging it to start with had been the best approach.

“I don’t have time to date. And I don’t want to parade a load of men through the house when Cade is there. Besides, I’ve seen the nightmare dating has been for you. Why would you want to put me through that?” I gasped in faux horror, hoping to deflect the conversation away from where I really didn’t want it to be.

“Because I think you’re lonely, Delaney. And you don’t have to forfeit your life just because you have a kid. You deserve to find someone who’s going to be there for you. Someone who’s going to love you even more than I do. You became a mom, Delaney, not a nun. You need someone to keep your sheets warm at night!”

“Then I’ll buy an electric blanket,” I deadpanned, standing up from the porch swing and holding up my glass to her. “Do you want another?”

“Of course, I want another, and just because you’re running away doesn’t mean this conversation is over.”

I stormed into the kitchen seconds away from full tantrum mode, filled up my glass, and leaned against the sink as I started to drink it.

Did Blake have a point? Was the point of the childish dream that I wanted someone else in my life, or was it really aboutTrace? Maybe this was my brain trying to tell me that I was ready to move on.

But then last night came flooding back to me. Setting aside everything else, it had been kind of perfect. I’d thought it was the perfect way for us to say goodbye, but I think deep down, I’d wanted it to be more than that. And listening to his whispered words, I’d thought he felt the same way, too.

Now it just felt like I’d taken a confusing, messed up situation and made it so much worse. What we should have done was sit down and talk about the reality of our situation and what we both wanted going forward. I’d seen his face when he left yesterday, and I doubted he wanted anything to do with the daydream I barely wanted to admit to. But I still needed to confront him. I still needed to say my piece and see if he wanted any kind of role in Cade’s life. If he didn’t, then it was time for us to make sure he gave up any legal rights to Cade. I wasn’t going to live with the nightmare of the Farringtons swooping in and trying to take my kid away from me.

I sighed, taking another drink of my wine and looking up to see Blake coming into the kitchen.

“I’m sorry, Dels. I don’t mean to push you. I know this is a difficult situation for you, and there’s still all the funeral to arrange and what you want to do with the farm.”

“Trace is buying it,” I blurted out, realizing we hadn’t spoken about this yet. “Or rather, his family is.”

I could tell she was surprised by the look on her face, but Blake didn’t have a chance to say anything before Cade ran into the kitchen.

“No! You can’t sell it.”

He looked around in panic like he thought it was about to happen right away, and I quickly went to my son.

“Cade, you’re supposed to be asleep.”

I hugged him against me, looking at Blake in worry. Just how much had he heard?

“I don’t want you to sell the farm,” Cade whispered against my stomach. “Why do you have to sell it?”

I didn’t know what to say. The one thing I hated doing in this world was disappointing my son. But the farm was a massive responsibility and keeping it would mean moving to Willowbrook.

“We don’t live here, honey. I guess we could look and see if someone wanted to rent the place out, but it’s a lot of land for someone to just use as a holiday home. It would cost a lot of money for us to have someone look after it for us. I think. I haven’t really looked into it.”

“I don’t want someone else to live here,” Cade sulked. “I want us to live here.”

I looked over at Blake and saw the heartbroken look on her face. For a second, she looked almost guilty, and I wondered what had happened in the few days that I’d been away.

“Why don’t you come out and sit with us, and we can talk about this.” I decided, leading Cade to the back porch, even if it was just to buy myself my time.

Unfortunately for me, the back porch was only steps away, and all the time in the world wouldn’t be enough to prepare me for this situation.

I settled Cade on the swing, wrapping a blanket around his shoulders. “Do you want a hot chocolate or something?”

He just looked up at me and shook his head.

This was it then.

This was the talk I’d been putting off for so long.

I sat down at Cade’s side, and he reached for my hand, making me smile. His watery smile just about broke my heart, and I took a deep breath to prepare myself for what was to come.

“I’m going to tell you about what happened when I lived here last, okay? I’ll answer any questions that you might have, and then we can talk about the farm if you want to.” Cade nodded and a sick feeling rose up inside me. This was going to hurt him. I knew it would. But there was nothing I could do to protect him from this. All I could do was be there for him when he finally knew the truth.

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