Page 39 of The Life We Left Behind

“I don’t know that I do.” I wanted to say yes. The part of me that always wanted to do the right thing wanted to say yes just because that was what was expected of me.

“Okay, what do you think you should have done?” Trace reasoned.

I thought about it for a minute. What should I have done?

“I should have stayed in touch more,” I admitted quietly, feeling like crap as I admitted it.

“The phone works both ways, Lane. That isn’t all on you. But you’re allowed to have a life. You’re allowed to live. And even if you had spoken to him every day, would that have changed anything? Would he have told you anything more?”

I shook my head because I already knew the answer. It wouldn’t have made any difference. My father wasn’t the type of person who would have come to me with his problems. He always saw me as his daughter. He’d never lean on me. It was just the way he was. And I’d still feel like I needed more time with him. Of course, I would. We never let go of the people we love easily.

“It’s hard now because you loved him. And that’s beautiful, Laney. The most any of us can hope is to leave this world and have someone notice.”

I nodded because he was right, and as much as I wanted to shout and rage about the unfairness of it all, nothing would change.

This was my reality now. All I could do was go through the motions and get through the other side of the funeral. Then I’d have time to grieve.

I sighed as I turned to look at the man who was taking the time to comfort me. Not because he’d suddenly found himself in a situation where it was necessary, but because he wanted to. I could see on his face how much he cared.

We had our own problems.

We had a past that neither of us was talking about. We were too busy seeking comfort in each other, just like we would have done in the past.

“We really need to talk,” I said reluctantly. “Is this a mistake?”

This wasn’t what I wanted to do right now. Hell, there was only so much I could deal with at once, and I wasn’t ready to let go of the one thing that was keeping me sane right now.

Trace sighed and tipped his head back as he stared up at the ceiling. I didn’t rush him for his answer. This was important. It was the beginning of figuring out where we were going to go from here, what his relationship with Cade was going to turn into.

Eventually, he looked at me with a look of determination on his face, picked me up off his lap, and sat me on the couch beside him.

“You’re right. We do need to talk, but we don’t need to do it now. For now, you need to get through the funeral, and I’m going to do absolutely everything I can to help. I’m not going anywhere, Delaney. I’ll be right by your side every step of the way if you let me. Let me show you who I am now. Let me help you. When it’s all done, when you’ve had the time you need, we’ll talk about it all. Because we’ll know the people we’ve grown into, and we can make a real decision about how we want our future to be. But right now, I’m going to leave. I know you need time to think about last night, and I don’t want to pressure you into anything. Just know that I don’t think this is a mistake, and…fuck, I don’t know if I can let you walk away again.”

Then he got up and headed for the front door as I stared at him in shock.

My brain froze at the implication of everything he’d just said, and all I could do was watch as he grabbed his coat and keys and looked back at me with a look of such longing on his face.

And then walked out the door.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

DELANEY

My coffee had long since gone cold as I stared at the empty fireplace, trying to decide what I wanted my life to look like.

Could I go back to making a life with Trace?

How easy would it be to forgive the past and move on to build some kind of future?

Was I blowing this whole thing out of proportion after one amazing night? It wasn’t really the foundation for a long and lasting relationship.

Or was it?

I didn’t need to have my heart broken again. I doubted I’d be able to survive it. But that kiss in the pasture? It felt like the start of something. I still held that same blissful addiction from when we were teenagers. It reminded me of how good it had felt to be loved by Trace Farrington.

But now, sitting here alone with nothing but my doubts and insecurities to torture myself, all I could think about was how it felt to have my heart broken by Trace Farrington and if the possibility of getting back to the way we were was worth the risk of it all ending exactly the same way again.

It wasn’t just my heart on the line this time, and I kept coming back to the thought that the risk of him hurting my son was far too great for me to even consider right now. If I was going to change my mind, then we needed to have the hard conversation, and Trace needed to give me a hell of a lot of reassurances. Leaving it hanging over us for the next couple of weeks wasn’t going to cut it. I could see why he wanted time to prove to me who he was now, but life wasn’t that simple. People weren’t that simple.

---