Page 14 of Moth to a Flame

Chin up. Shoulders pulled back.

This is my neighborhood. I won’t be terrorized by my nightmares. I’ve got this. I won’t be intimidated.

If only it was that easy when I tried pleasuring myself.

It will be, soon.

One night and I’ll be free to put myself out there. I’ll find a real relationship. One that’ll last forever.

With Mojo trotting at my side, I take in the colorful awnings and large signs on each storefront. I stare at the first, then the second car that drives by my block.

A few more days on Moth to a Flame, and I’ll find my match.

“All I’m asking for is one night,” I say to Mojo who stops next to a trash can. “Am I that unrape—unfuckable?” I whisper the last part.

I haven’t said the word “fuck,” in a dirt way ever, and it makes me wonder how I’d react to a man who’d say worse things to me.

It’s another thing I’d need him to do for me. Show me that words are just words.

If you scream, I’ll kill you, whore. You’ll let me fuck you, or you’re dead.

Mojo, who doesn’t hear my rapist’s voice in my head, lifts one leg, relieving himself on the trash can.

Focusing on him and how cute he is calms me. Lester’s voice is silenced. Being a dog aunt is the best thing to ever happen to me.

He pees some more. I guess that’s what he thinks of my question.

My lips curve in a smile. He’s done, and it doesn’t look like he has number two. Good.

He twists to look up at me, wagging his tail excitedly.

I would’ve shared the sentiment, except we aren’t alone anymore. Any remnant of warmth is being sucked from my body as the chill creeps up my spine.

The street is quiet. And yet, I can sense it isn’t empty.

My hand goes to my hidden pocket. Fast.

Someone’s behind me. Maybe it’s a neighbor.

Maybe it’s someone as bad and as huge as Lester who’s on the lookout for a girl or a woman he can hurt.

Calm down.

I’m not calm at all. I should pull out my gun.

What if it’s a neighbor? What would it look like if I aimed a gun at them?

Bad. Horrible.

It might even go off, and then I’d have shot an innocent person.

I keep my hand on my hidden gun. That’s it.

Even if this person is right behind me.

Even if they’re being stealthy.

Even if they walk around me until we’re facing each other.

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