Page 81 of Moth to a Flame

A huge part of me trusts him. Then there’s the part that’s still stuck in the nightmare. I do my best to escape; I do everything in my power to shake the nightmare off.

But then Landon gets up and stalks to his backpack at the corner of my bedroom. He walks with his back ramrod straight, shoulders pulled back.

Fierce. Powerful.

Terrifying.

It doesn’t matter that I recognize him as my Landon. It makes no difference that he’s harmless in the gray sweats thatIordered for him. They came in the mail today; I remember that part clearly. He smiled when he tried them on. When they hung perfectly around his tapered waist.

None of these things matter.

My nightmare and the memories mingle in my head like a rancid aftertaste. Other than the moonlight filtering in, the room is dark, the same as it wasthen.

I’m vulnerable here, on this bed. In his T-shirt and my thin lace panties and nothing else.

Nothing separates us. Nothing can stop him from pulling a baton out of his bag and using it on me. It doesn’t matter that the bag is too small.

He could.

Landon straightens after fishing out two strings of black ribbons and dropping his bag back on the floor.

I’m already holding Jigsaw with both hands, pointing it at him.

“What’s this?” I can barely hear his harsh whisper.

“Don’t…” I’m shaking. My body. My voice. My entire world. “Don’t come anywhere near me. I won’t let you…Won’t let you do this to me.”

He doesn’t cower. Doesn’t tell me to put the gun down.

He prowls forward.

“Stay back.” I scramble to sit up against the wall, my heels scrunching the sheets. I bend my knees and press them together. “I mean it. I fucking mean it. I’ll blow your brains out.”

“Do it.” His expression is regal, harsh. Set in stone. He’s at the foot of the bed, all lean muscle and resolution. “Being shot by you would be the highlight of my life, Regan. Fucking do it.”

My name. He says my name. Lester never said it. He called melittle girl.Bitch. Choked me. Spat on me and punched my face so hard that I lost a tooth I had to replace.

Not once did he say my name.

None of this soothes me enough to lower my gun. To take my finger off the trigger.

“Take another step closer and I’ll shoot you.”

His knees are on the bed, and he tosses the ribbons to the side.

“Don’t make me kill you.” A sob wracks through my body. My lungs are on fire. “I-I don’t want to, but I will. Don’t make me. L-leave. Go away.”

He ignores me. He crawls to me.

His hands are on my knees, parting them despite my resistance.

“Why won’t you go away?” My words are garbled as tears run down my cheeks and another sob catches in my throat. “Why won’t you just leave?”

He’s between my thighs.

“Do it, little lamb.” The darkest eyes I’ve ever seen. They’re his. “Use that gun on me. Do whatever makes you feel good. I’m yours. You’re in control of this, do you hear? I’m giving it to you. Whatever happens next is your choice.”

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I want or where I am and fuck.

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