Too goddamn much.
I have to find a way to unleash my anger without hurting her.
Out.
I don’t bother with closing the doors leading to the private beach. A shirt isn’t necessary, either. This has to be uncomfortable. I have to hate something, and this is all I have.
Mission accomplished. I’m on the shoreline, freezing my ass off. Water and sand mix together, sticking to the hem of my sweats, which, in turn, sticks to my ankles.
Repulsive.
Repulsive is good.
Except I don’t feel half as disgusted as I used to.
The love muscle in me flexes, the bastard. With every step I take into the ocean, every grain of sand clinging to my feet, I’m reminded of her.
The look in her eyes whenever I tell her I love her.
The tremors racking through her body when I trail my knuckles along her cheek.
Her sweet, kind voice. How she doesn’t just talk tomewith infinite compassion. Everyone gets that side of Regan. Her sister, her parents, her customers. The delivery men and women who drop by supplies at the store.
Sand. Mud. Salty water.
I focus on that. Stay in place, digging my toes into the ground. Walk a foot further into the ocean.
I’m cold out here. The water won’t stop curling around my shins.
The urge to slaughter a man for her is stronger than anything, no matter what I do.
The mind games I play with my own damn self aren’t working.
I’m failing myself.
Worse still, I’m failing her.
Focus. Focus. You won’t do her any goodor if you’ll buy an armored vehicle and drive it through Brinestone’s gates. Lester won’t die if they lock you up. If they shoot you on sight.
A warm hand on my bare shoulder and my destructive thoughts come to a screeching halt.
“Landon.” Her fingers dig into my skin. Her voice is soft. Like she’s talking to a wild animal.
A wounded animal.
She’s not wrong. I slam my eyes shut against the emotions pummeling into me, against their brutal assault.
“What are you doing here?” I ask.
What are you doing with me?
As if she’s ever had a say in that.
“My dad texted in our group chat. The phone went off. They’re all very excited and that woke me up.” More caution in her voice. She hopes her words will settle me, will bring me back to her. I want to give it to her. Ishouldgive it to her. “That’s how we are when he has a new idea. This one is very new. His first horror romance, if you can believe it.”
“Good. Good. Go back inside, Regan.” I love you too much. I need to own you. I need you shackled to my wrist and never leaving my side. I have to—I can’t breathe another second without decimating thisthingthat hurt you. “I’ll be back soon.”
“You shouldn’t be out here like this.” She’s becoming a pro at ignoring my snappish answers. I don’t know if I like it or hate it. No, damn it. I love that just as much as I love everything about her. “You don’t have a shirt on, and the water is cold. You’ll catch something if you stay out here like this.”