Page 155 of Quinlan

As he holds me tighter, my thoughts go to his knuckles. To him. To the fully stocked pantry and fridge. It isn’t really food. It’s his safety blanket.

And he’s here, apologizing to me. “Rome…”

“I failed you,” Damien chokes out, his expression pure agony. I’m being ripped out of Rome’s grip by my shoulders, and Damien manhandles me until I’m in his lap. “They had nothing to do with it.Ifailed you. I slept in a comfortable bed that night and many after that. I wasn’t there. I didn’t look as close as I should’ve. I should’ve been there that day. I should’ve been there always. I’m so sorry. I’m so terribly sorry, for believing that Rex didn’t hurt you because he didn’t use you as his punching bag.”

I’ll go back to that later. Ask him to elaborate. When I’m not hanging on to Damien’s neck for dear life. When he’s not apologizing for something he shouldn’t be.

This mean, arrogant man looks like he loathes himself.

He isn’t angry with me. Doesn’t look like he thinks I’m the reason Blake is dead. Neither of them does.

They hurt, and that, too, is my fault.

“You shouldn’t have been there.” My hands drift to his face. Cup his cheeks, memorizing his skin like the touch itself could save me. “You deserved that warm bed. Good night’s sleep. You deserve all of it, Damien. You shouldn’t have been anywhere but where you were safe.”

The strong woman that disappeared earlier resurfaces. For Damien. For the three of them. I can be her again. I am her. I’ll be that person for them, catch them if they ever fall. I’m even stronger now that I have them.

“Quinlan—”

“No, Damien. You should’ve been where it’s safe,” I repeat, injecting finality to my words.

Damien covers my cheeks in his large hands, pulling me to him. I feel his thumb on my tattoo. I feel his heart beating for me.

It does something else—his unhinged, caring heart. It forces me to recognize what really happened that night. To see past the warped truth Rex has been feeding me. That there were more people responsible for Blake’s death.

“My parents failed us. They were…” Sigh. “Reckless. They should’ve never left us by ourselves.” This is the first time I’ve accusedthem. I’ve been busy blaming myself and taking care of them. Holding everything together and just…surviving. “I should’ve…fuck.”

My lips quiver, and Damien captures the bottom one. He sinks his teeth into it until I can breathe again, his sapphire eyes burrowing into me.I’m here, they say.You’re not alone.

“I was stuck.” I want to scream, but I settle for whispering. For using Damien by asking him to take it from me. “I was terrified and shocked, and I couldn’t wriggle out of the float. Couldn’t jump in the pool to save Blake. I didn’t scream loud enough. It’s my fault. That’s why we didn’t tell the police the truth. So they wouldn’t take me and my parents to jail. But they should’ve. He’s dead b-bec-because of me.”

“Shut up,” Liam warns, his command a whip. His hand closes so hard around the back of my neck. There’s no kindness in it. “Don’t you dare repeat that, Quinlan.”

“Ever.” Damien seethes, his mouth close to mine. His gaze is as hard as diamonds. “This is the first and last time you’ve said it. Understood?”

A hand on my hip. Hurting me. Grounding me. “If the answer is no, I swear to God…” Rome’s voice is choked. “I’ll go over to your parents’ home by myself. I’ll kill them for being the reason you keep torturing yourself.”

If only it could’ve been that easy. Smothering the guilt like you blow out a candle.

Except it’s been eighteen years of self-loathing. Of being alone, without any real support. With my older half-brother who’s been giving me the feeling that yes, I’ll always have something to make up for.

I had to stay behind to take care of them. Until I couldn’t.

And through it all, even when I lived on my own, I was still manipulated by Rex.

But that doesn’t change the fact that I’m no less guilty of not fighting harder to break free. To get to Blake.

I’m guilty. I am.

“I was supposed to save my brother. Me.”

Damien growls. Rome’s hand comes up to my arm, his hold punishing.

“We shared everything, Blake and I. Hair color. Eye color. Bedroom. We even liked the same big, fluffy dolls. I was there. I should’ve saved him. And I failed.”

I’m a shell of a person. The only thing I have in me are my apologies. This is my burden. My fault. No one else’s other than my parents and me.

“I’m sorry, Damien.”

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