Page 25 of Cowboy SEAL Christmas

“Because I try very hard not to be, but I’ve stifled him. I know I have.”

“Maybe. Maybe it doesn’t help, but I came to this ranch as a kid, too. It opened up a world to me I never would’ve dreamed for myself. If it had just been me and my mom, she would have locked me in the house and never let me out, but I had my stepdad and he let me run free. Let me do things my mother never would’ve approved of. It’s a good experience to have someone who… Well, we’re here too. If you feel like you’re stifling, you can trust some people around you to show him what else is out there.”

“So, I need to let the guys take Colin out on excursions that I would never approve of? Don’t even answer that, because I know the answer. The most horrible part of today is that I thanked Gabe for the whole Christmas tree thing. I sat there Thanksgiving night, and I thanked him for doing something for my son that I know I would never have let him do. But…it’s all these layers. I want Colin to be safe, and I always want to double-check everything and follow every safety rule known to man. If someone had been diligent enough to do that, my husband would not have died in that crash. But the emotional stuff? My son crying or being scared? There aren’t any safety rules for that. So I lost it at Gabe after I’d just thanked him for the same, and I’m sure it doesn’t make any sense to him, but it makes sense to me.”

“And if it were Jack or Alex saying those things to you, what would you say to them?”

“I’ve been giving you too many therapeutic horsemanship lessons if you’re turning things around on me,” Monica grumbled, working down the length of Pal’s large body.

“What would you say to them, Monica?”

She blew out an annoyed breath. “I’d say that emotions are normal and nothing to be scared of. We all have to experience them, and it’s even good that we do. Good for us as human beings to be sad and scared and happy. You know what the difference is?”

“What?”

“Colin ismy kid. Reasonable or not, I don’t want him to hurt or be sad ever. We’ve had so much of that already—so much hurt, and I know life isn’t fair, but I want it to be for my kid, even when I know it can’t be.”

“That’s what makes you a really good mom. Because you want those things for him, and I think somewhere deep down, you know you can’t make it happen or you wouldn’t be conflicted. You wouldn’t be upset.”

“And I wouldn’t be taking things out on Gabe that have nothing to do with him.”

“Maybe you take things out on Gabe because you want to be around Gabe?”

“You’re as subtle as a sledgehammer, Becca.”

She grinned over her horse. “I know. But let me tell you something. When the guys first got here, and it was just me and them, I liked Gabe the best. He’s the most charming, the most personable. Alex was so hard and so different than I remembered him, and Jack was downright surly. Gabe smiled. He was nice to me. There were a few interactions that got a little dicey, but the point is, over something like nine months of being around them, getting to know them, and understand them as best as I can, I think I know the least about Gabe.”

“He uses his charm as armor.”

Becca nodded. “Exactly. He uses that smile and that politeness and that kindness to hide whatever is going on underneath all that. Much like Alex and Jack, some of his behavior suggests he’s getting worse instead of better. Gabe hides it differently than Jack and Alex did. I think he needs something different than Alex and Jack do. There’s something separate about him, and I think he sees you as a threat to that separateness.”

“I can’t make him get therapy.” She didn’t like to accept that simple fact, but itwasa fact—she couldn’t force anyone. They had to want it on some level.

“That’s what I’m saying. Maybe Gabe doesn’t need therapy. At least not the way Alex and Jack did. If he’s separate and different, maybe we need a completely different approach.”

“Like what? Because that’s one very annoying question that I don’t have a clue what the answer is.”

“I don’t know either.” Becca moved so she was hidden behind her horse. “Sex is always an option.”

Monica screeched a laugh. “Becca Denton.”

“Well, I’m just saying. I mean, don’t get me wrong. You helped Alex immeasurably, but sex was some good therapy, too. It got him to a place where he was ready to get the therapy.”

“Lovedid that. Not sex.”

“Eh, I think it was both.”

Monica laughed again. “Well, because you’ve got both, I wouldn’t suggest you have sex with Gabe.”

Becca appeared at her horse’s tail. “You know I didn’t mean me.”

“Then who?” Monica asked innocently, focusing on brushing Pal’s tail.

“Don’t play dumb. It doesn’t suit you.”

Monica straightened her shoulders. If she couldn’t play dumb, she’d play her other roles. “I’m a mother and a therapist. I’m not just going to gohook upwith some guy. Especially some guy I have to work with.”

“But you said yourself you’re worried about only being a mom and a therapist. You should be a woman too. A great place to find your inner woman is in a guy’s pants.”

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