Page 18 of Cowboy SEAL Christmas

“I can go,” Colin said boldly, but then some of that surety melted. “What is it?”

“Looks like a dead cow. Got caught in a drift maybe. Jack and I are going to have to dig him out, then we’ll have to transport him to the composting area. It’s not a fun job, Colin.”

Colin chewed his bottom lip, looking out across the expanse of white.

Gabe figured Monica wouldn’t care for what he was about to do, but if the boy was going to spend the next eight years on this ranch, there were some things he was going to have to learn.

“We all came out. We’ll all dig it out.”

Alex cleared his throat, but Gabe raised an eyebrow.

“How old were you?” Gabe asked. Alex had grown up here, and Gabe was under no impression Alex had been sheltered from ranch work.

Alex didn’t respond, so Gabe turned to Jack, who might have been as new to this whole ranching thing as Gabe was, but he’d grown up on a farm, not out in the burbs. “And you?”

“Younger,” Jack said, shrugging toward Alex. “Gabe’s right. Gotta learn sometime.”

“Gotta learn what?” Colin demanded.

Gabe looked down at the boy. “When you see a responsibility, you meet it, even if you really don’t want to. Cattle ranching means sometimes cattle die, and we have to be responsible to handle it.”

“What do we have to do?” Colin asked, frowning at the dead cow.

Alex went through the procedure as they all got in the UTV. The drive across the pasture was slow-moving thanks to all of last night’s new-fallen snow. Which gave Gabe all sorts of time to doubt his insisting Colin be a part of this.

They worked in a grim kind of silence, digging the dead animal out of the snow, then only spoke instructions to each other as they used the UTV to drag the cow out of the pasture. It wasn’t exactly gruesome work, nor was it fun work pulling a dead cow across snowy ground.

They dragged the cow all the way to the composting area at the edge of the property. Gabe, Jack, and Alex had built the area in the spring, but they hadn’t had cause to use it yet. Once they got close enough, they all had to get out and pull the cow the rest of the way by hand.

Once they’d actually gotten the carcass into the area, everyone was huffing, and Gabe no longer had any complaints in him.

“Why don’t you and Colin take the UTV and go get what we need to finish?” Alex said, nodding toward the vehicle.

Gabe nodded, giving Colin a nudge toward it. The kid wouldn’t be making the return trip, but he didn’t need to know that yet. “Let’s go.”

“Isn’t this part of the responsibility too?” Colin asked, but his voice was scratchy and hell, the kid was only ten.

“Yeah, but sometimes a man needs a break too. Besides, if we don’t get what they need, who’s going to?”

Colin nodded and got into the UTV. Gabe flicked glances at him as they drove, and he couldn’t help but worry he’d pushed the kid too far here. Maybe Colinwastoo young to be dealing with the basics of ranch life.

Gabe stopped the UTV at the barn, but he pointed to the house. “Let’s go on up for a second. Get a few thermoses,” he offered. He’d make an excuse about getting coffee or something, so he could convince Colin to stay at the house without making him feel like he wasn’t man enough for the rest.

Colin got out of the UTV wordlessly, and they trudged through the snow toward the house. Gabe was tempted to wrap his arm around the boy and give him a squeeze, but it was hard to know what was appropriate with someone else’s kid.

“Why… They just left the rest of them out there,” Colin said softly, frowning.

“You heard Alex explain this cow was old, got caught in a bad place. Accidents happen.” He thought about what Monica had said last night about how her husband had died. Gabe didn’t want to draw any correlations, so that’s all he said.

“But…that isn’t fair.”

“Life’s not fair, bud. You know that better than most kids your age. We’re all going to die at some point. People. Animals. It’s never going to feel like the right time. It’s never going to feel fair. Sometimes it’s only going to give you more questions than anyone could hope to answer.”

“I know I’m supposed to be sad my dad died,” Colin said in that same scratchy voice, but his posture had gone defensive as they tramped across the yard. “But I was a baby. I never knew him. I know Mom’s sad, but I didn’t know him. He’s no different to me than that cow. Except I can see the cow.”

“You know, I didn’t know my dad either before he died.”

Colin peered up at him, clearly curious but not going to question it. Which Gabe figured meant he had to keep talking. Unfortunately. “My mom was so sad about it she didn’t even want to tell me his name. So I don’t miss him, since I never knew him, but that doesn’t mean I can’t miss the idea of him. I’ve wondered what might’ve been different in my life, and that doesn’t help, but death leaves a mark even if you don’t remember it.”

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