Page 99 of Cowboy SEAL Christmas

“Monica?”

She turned her head, meeting his gaze.

“I love you.”

* * *

Monica wanted to fall into his arms at that, but she knew… Oh, there was some work to be done first. No matter that he looked so earnest and sincere and any fear that lingered in his expression wasn’t that horrible thing that had driven him out of here a few days ago.

“I love you, too, but we already went through that.”

“I was wrong to leave like that. Wrong to let fear… It’s a strange thing to have lived thirtysome years, been a Navy SEAL for a decade or so, lived through a grenade explosion, and still realize that fear was the thing that motivated most of your life choices. Not desire, not drive, not anything but fear.”

“Fear can be a powerful motivator. Or de-motivator. I was too afraid to go after you. I told myself I was giving you time, but I just didn’t want to hurt like that again.”

He reached out, his fingers brushing across her hair so gently she didn’t even feel it. “I wasn’t ready for you to come after me.”

“What changed your mind in such a short period of time?”

“Love,” he replied simply. “That you loved me, and you’re too smart and good to make it up or lie. That Alex and Jack… You know, that first time Alex came to talk to you a few months ago, when we kind of… I hate to use the wordmanipulated. Jack and Iencouragedhim to go to you. We pushed him. Egged him on. Tried to get him to fight us.”

“Men,” she muttered irritably.

He smiled, and this time when he reached out, his gloved fingertips brushed her cheek. “That was love. That we stood up to him. That he went to you. It’s easy to accept love when it helps someone else. It’s scarier, harder when it’s just…you. But they’ve also been in my life for so long, and nothing has changed that. The worst day of our lives, and we’re all still here. So, this morning, they…they just showed up. And they stayed, no matter what I said. They always have. I guess I don’t have any reason to believe they won’t always.”

It moved her in a lot of ways. Because she knew what an important step it was for Alex and Jack too, these three men who’d gone through hell together, to be here on the other side reaching out for love and lives and, just as important as that, pushing each other to do the same.

“I will, too,” she whispered. “Show up. Stay.”

His mouth curved, and it had none of his normal sharpness. Only sweetness. “I know. It’d never have gone this far if I didn’t, on some level, know that.”

If only it were as simple as all that, but she had more in her life than just Gabe. “But I need to know you’d do the same. I can love you, Gabe. I can’t really fathom being able to stop, but I can’t have you in my son’s life if you aren’t willing to show up and stay. I need that promise from you.”

“I love him, too, you know.”

As if her heart wasn’t already raw and aching, beautifully big and bursting, and then he added that to this emotional day.

“He told me he likes you best because you treat him like a man,” she managed to say between her tears. “And I like you best because he thinks you do, and I know you don’t always.”

“Hell,” he muttered, pulling her to his chest and holding her there.

She gave herself the space to cry there against his chest for a few minutes, to feel and absorb in a way she usually forced herself to move away from.

“It was a lie. Not wanting you, not wanting a future with you both. I wanted it so desperately I couldn’t see straight, but when the thing you want is the thing you most fear…” He squeezed her tighter, and she was happy to be squished against his hard, warm chest. “It’s easier to convince yourself you don’t want it or can’t have it than face the fact that having it just requires some work…and some faith. I can’t promise that faith will never falter, but—”

“I’ll be here to remind you it shouldn’t.”

He pulled her back, so he could look down at her, the array of colorful Christmas lights dancing across his face.

“And what will I be here to remind you of?”

She smiled. “That I’m not just a therapist or a mom.”

“I can think of a few ways I’d enjoy doing that.”

She gave him a little shove, but he kept his arms tight around her. The llama made a noise from the back seat. It was the weirdest little thing, but she was already halfway in love.

“So, what on earth is thellamasymbolic of?”

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