Page 84 of Cowboy SEAL Christmas

“What’syourpoint?” she returned. She wanted to laugh, but his eyes were too dark, his scowl too deep.

“I don’t have one.” He shrugged, then picked up his coat. Because he was going to leave, retreat. Then he was going to build up all those boundaries he always kept around himself.

She couldn’t let it happen. She stood in front of the door, even as her heart began to pound in panic. “You can’t leave.”

He shook his head, a little sad but a lot determined. “The roads are passable. There’s no reason to stay.” He zipped up his coat as if it were some final goodbye gesture.

“Except that I want you to stay, and I think you want to stay.”

Chapter 22

Gabe wasn’t sure which was worse. That hedidwant to stay, though he knew he couldn’t, or that she could see it on him. That desperate film Evan had always calledtrying too hard. As if he could erase what he really was.

What are you, really?

But a Navy SEAL knew how to handle the onslaught of fear and pain and memories. He knew how to still himself, compartmentalize all those jangling feelings into boxes. Boxes he could bury and set aside so the mission could be accomplished without outside forces risking the outcome.

There was no place for the past, certainly no place for this overwhelming warmth of feeling wanting to spill out of him. There was only his mission: extricate himself from this dangerous predicament. She was the enemy, and he had to escape her.

“If I wanted to stay, I would,” he said flatly.

He couldn’t have been more caught off guard by the bright pop of laughter that echoed out of her mouth. His jaw even dropped a little bit as he stared at her. Laughing.Laughing.

“Would you?”

“Yes, I would,” he replied through gritted teeth. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected her reaction to be. Amusement was not it.

But that was just another lie to himself. He’d expected her to pale. To be hurt. He’d expected her to back off. Maybe some small, stupid part of him had hoped she might plead with him. Beg him to stay, beg him to care.

That hope was a terrible, terrible trap. He didn’t want her to plead or beg, because that would be its own trap.

He was screwed, and it had to stop. He wasn’t a kid anymore. He’d learned his lessons. He’d fought in a war. He was a part of Revival, and he wouldn’t fall for the trap of loving someone again.

“I don’t know what you want from me.” Because this was about her, not him. She had gotten something wrong, didn’t understand things.

She laughed again, but it ended sounding sad. She looked at him, shiny, blue eyes and the kind of pleading he’d craved for too long. It froze him to his core. That she might finally be someone who could—

No. No, he couldn’t let himself believe that and survive. He’d survived plenty, but not that.

“I told you. I want you to stay.” She stepped forward, reaching out and unzipping his coat. “I want you to stay here. With me.”

“If this is about sex, just because I leave doesn’t mean our deal has to end right this second. Christmas. Christmas was the deal.”

“Don’t do that,” she whispered.

But, of course, he had to do it. “If it’s about the questions, go ahead. Ask me a million. But no matter what you say or do or ask, I’m not spending another night here.”

She pushed the sides of his coat apart and then pressed a palm to his chest. There was no way she didn’t feel the way his heart galloped out of control.

“What are you so afraid of?”

He tried to remind himself she wanted to rearrange him until he was some fixed, healed thing. He’d never be that. He hadn’t been that when he’d joined the navy. It was too late. He’d gone too far. She wanted the challenge. It wasn’t about him. It was about him being messed up.

He knew it wasn’t true, because he saw the way she loved her son, loved her friends. Still, he tried to convince himself. Lie to himself. Anything to protect himself. “I’m not afraid.”

“It’s one of my questions, so you can’t lie to me.” She used her other hand to cup his jaw, and he held himself as stiff and cold as he could against all that warmth.

“I don’t want to hurt your feelings or anything, but I think you’ve…you’ve got it all twisted.”

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