Page 55 of Cowboy SEAL Christmas

“Bad idea,” he managed to say, though his voice was still as strangled as it had been when he’d made the first attempt to leave. As though his throat were fighting against everything his brain needed it to do.

“Why? I know you’re not naive enough to misread my invitation. I thought it was against guy code to turn down sex with an unattached, willing woman.”

“Monica, I’m…I’m a bad bet.”

Her eyebrows drew together, and she studied him. Maybe because of everything she’d said earlier, or maybe because he wasthisclose to having all of her, he didn’t see it as he usually did. Not a predatory, under-the-microscope analysis so she could unravel his psyche. Simply a woman trying to understand a man’s cryptic statement.

He was probably losing it.

“I guess that depends on what the bet is,” she said softly.

All that softness was way too tempting. “Look.” He swallowed because he needed a moment to remind himself why he was being noble here. He wasn’t a particularly noble guy. Not like Alex. Not like Jack. If he’d had a noble impulse in him, it had been eradicated long before he’d joined the navy. Though he supposed the military had given him a certain sense of what was right and what was wrong.

Hurting Monica would be wrong and, more, he wasn’t sure he could live with himself if he did hurt her.

“Look,” he repeated, finding his voice again. “Obviously I’m attracted to you and would like to…” Jesus. He’d never had trouble talking frankly. Why was he now? “Stay,” he finished lamely. “But there are a million complications and even if I had the wherewithal to work through them, the bottom line is: I’m not like Jack or Alex. I’m not looking for my happily ever after. I don’t want to settle down. I don’t want to have kids. I don’t want to build some…life. I don’t want those things, and I figure someone like you probably will.”

“I guess I wouldn’t rule it out,” she said slowly, as if mulling that all over very carefully. “But I can’t say I’ve ever spent much time hoping for those things. Ididsettle down, and I did have kids. I’ve loved and lost, and I can’t say I’m too keen to do it again. But even if I wanted to want those things or started wanting those things, I couldn’t go after them. At least not with you.”

It was on the tip of his tongue to demand what the hell was wrong with him that she wouldn’t, but that was stupid, considering he’d just told her he didn’t want those things.

“In a couple weeks, we are going to have two former soldiers here,” she continued. “My job is to be an on-site therapist. I can’t be in a relationship with you. Do you have any idea how bad that would look? What kind of respect could they possibly have for me if I was sleeping with another former soldier working here? I know how men think. Even if I didn’t… The point is, I’m not looking for something permanent. I’m not looking for settling down. I like my life. I love my job. I haven’t had sex in a decade, and I’m attracted to you, and here you are in my house. So I don’t know why, for the next week or so, we couldn’t…you know, do that.”

“That,” he repeated.

“Yes, that. In fact, keep your gift card. Sex will be our Christmas gifts to each other.”

It shocked a laugh out of him. Why it did or that she could was beyond him, but he laughed nonetheless, and enjoyed the pleased expression on her face far too much. Which at least sobered him some. “You don’t think it’ll be a little awkward to go back to the way things were after we’ve seen each other naked?”

“Of course it’ll be awkward,” she said with a hand gesture and a pretty pink blush staining her cheeks. “It’ll be painfully awkward in every way. But you already kissed me. Either you’re a much better person than me or you’ve gone ahead and pictured me naked. So, awkward no matter what. Why not get something out of it? It’s been an awful long time since I’ve gotten something for me out of anything.”

“So, you’re suggesting we have sex. No strings attached, temporary sex.”

“Yes. In fact, Christmas can be the cut-off date. We won’t have any physical contact after Christmas. It will be out of our system, and should anything linger, well, there’s always next Christmas.”

“You’re proposing a Christmas sex deal.”

She lifted her chin, and though her expression was serious, there was a certain mocking curve to her mouth. “I am. Are you accepting the Christmas sex deal?”

“On one condition.”

“What’s that?”

“We stop saying ‘Christmas sex deal.’”

She laughed, and he’d have been lying to himself if he didn’t admit that sound did something to him. Not a sexual something—a deeper and far more dangerous something. He wanted to make her laugh again and again, and he couldn’t let himself fall for that kind of bullshit fantasy.

She held out her hand between them. “Deal?”

He looked at her outstretched hand. She had long, elegant fingers, but there were bits of flour and dough stuck in the lines of her hand. He wasn’t sure why he noticed it or why that flipped over in his chest like something important. So he denied it. He slipped his hand into hers and then gave her arm a little jerk so that she stumbled forward and into him.

She looked up at him, big, blue eyes swirling with surprise and desire. Much like the other night, he wanted to stretch out the moment where she was something like at his mercy. Looking up and waiting for him to make the move. Where he was in control of every breath she took.

“I-I don’t think anyone should know,” she stammered.

It hurt. No matter that it shouldn’t. “I don’t keep secrets from Alex or Jack.”

That shock and stuttery nervousness faded into something soft. “Oh, Gabe. You keep secrets from everyone.”

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