Page 95 of A Nice Day for a Cowboy Wedding

Pity comfort. Charity sweetness. Because now he knew, and the illusion was shattered. She was tainted, and she couldn’t stand the thought of still being with him with all that past ugliness weighing everything they were.

“Did they give you an idea of when you’ll be able to go home?”

“Tomorrow, probably.”

“I can stay put. Give you a ride whenever he’s released. Whatever you guys need. Gavin and Boone have the ranch covered.”

She didn’t understand how that offer could somehow make her heart soft and mushy, and yet somehow make her so damn angry too. It was a nice, sweet gesture, and if he hadn’t known about her, she could have accepted it.

But he knew, so all gestures were nowI know better than you. I have to fix you.“No, thank you. Lilly can do it.”

Shane sighed. “Cora, I know we . . . I know you’re upset, and you have to focus on Micah right now. We’ll work out our stuff later, but for now I’m just offering help.” He smiled kindly, reassuringly. The kind of smile a teacher gave a child he was trying to teach something hard.

Because that’s what she was to him now. The same thing she was to Lilly. And Micah. And everyone who knew.

“I don’t want to work it out,” she said, looking straight at him, the words so honest-to-God truthful she nearly swayed on her feet.

Shane straightened, stiffened. “What?”

“I don’t want a fixer, Shane.”

He stared at her as if she’d lost her mind, and maybe she had.

He took a deep breath in and slowly let it out. “You’re tired.”

She laughed bitterly. “Tired? Don’t know what I’m saying? Silly, stupid Cora is just so tired she’s talking out of turn.”

A flash of temper, one she hadn’t truly seen until today, sparked in his eyes. “Don’t put words in my mouth.”

“I don’t have to. I know what this does.”

“Whatwhatdoes?”

“Knowing! Knowing everything about . . . about my past. I know what it does. I know how it changes how people see me, and I can’t . . . I can’t be what I’ve become when something I left behind is all anyone can see.”

“So you don’t want to be with me because I know this thing about you?”

“Yes! It changes everything. Everything. Because now every time you look at me and there’s even a hint of pity I have to think about all the ways I was small and weak and—”

“You were none of those things. Someone’s hurting you does not defineyou.”

Which was nice in theory, but he didn’t know what it was like to live with it. Maybe he had some warped father guilt, but it had all been a childhood accident. The things she’d allowed to happen . . . Maybe she’d been a teenager at first, but she’d let it happen into adulthood. “How would you know?”

“Because I know you. Because Iloveyou. If the mistakes we make define us, then Boone’s the cause of Micah’s accident, and I’m my father’s murderer.”

“You believe those things, Shane. You blame Boone, and you blame yourself. You believe those things in yoursoul. So, why would it be different for me?”

“I . . .”

He looked as though she’d punched him. Right in the gut, with far more strength than she’d ever had.

But he didn’t refute what she’d just said.

“It just can’t work. It was a nice thought, but reality is a little tougher than nice thoughts.”

“Cora, you can’t honestly believe—”

“But I do. I honestly believe this changed everything, and for the worse. You know what? A few years ago, I might not have cared. A few years ago I would have been weak enough to let it all slide. To let you look down on me and live with it and think it was love, but I won’t let Micah down like that again.”

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