Page 99 of Cowboy SEAL Homecoming

She wanted to cry or apologize. She wanted to run away, but that wasn’t what independent adults did. It wasn’t who she wanted to be anymore.

“Shared people. Yes, you were raised by the same father, and that doesn’t strike you as problematic?” Mom demanded.

It was such a grasp at straws. “No. No, it doesn’t, and you know it doesn’t. Alex was never here. He was never a son to you. My relationship with Burt never had anything to do with Alex. You were there. You know that as well as Alex and I do.”

“I don’t know a thing that Alex knows. Everything about this strikes me as a much older man taking advantage of a young, naive girl.”

Becca tried to shake off the word naive. It wasn’t meant to be an insult, so she focused on the point of Mom’s argument. “The age difference is smaller than your age difference with Burt.”

“That was different. I had a child. I was emotionally mature.”

That one hurt. She wanted to be the rational adult, but it cut. Hard. “Do you think this little of me?”

“I think the world of you,” Mom snapped.

“It doesn’t feel like it.” Becca swallowed at the emotion clogging her throat. She’d swallowed these emotions for so long now though. Maybe she needed to do what she wanted Alex to do. Open up. Explain. Talk about it. “It feels like you think I’m stupid and frail and can’t handle myself. I know that’s not what you mean, but I can’t help but feel that.”

Mom’s lips pressed so tightly together they disappeared, and she was silent for the longest time. So Becca could only go further, give more.

“I really like being with Alex. He took me out on a date last night, and it was nice and fun. It was good. I know I don’t have any experience dating guys, and I know most of your experience with men was not good, but, Mom, this was really, really good. I’m happy with him. You don’t need to jump with joy that I’m growing up, that I am building something with a man, but I need… Mom, I need you to treat me like you trust me, like you believe in me.”

“It’s not you, Becca. It’s him. I know you think you know him because he’s Burt’s son, but what do you know about a man who was a soldier overseas for so long? Who never visited his father? What do you know about what he did over there? What do you know about him really? Maybe you know about his childhood, and maybe you know the people he knew, but has he really opened up his heart to you and told you about the hard things he must’ve seen or done? Has he talked about the future? Or is he just telling you what you want to hear?”

Becca tried not to visibly react to that, because she didn’t want Mom to see that it landed. Poking at that 0.1 percent of worry or dissatisfaction. No, Alex hadn’t opened up about whatever gave him nightmares, but that was fine. He didn’t need to. They hadn’t talked about futures exactly, but she hadn’t brought it up either.

“I, um, get what you’re saying,” Becca managed, because she couldn’t lie to her mom and say he’d given her all those things. And yet…it was one date. It was a few moments. It was still so early.

They were building. It was fine. And what if you’re building without a foundation?

“So you’ll be careful and take things very, very slowly?” Mom prompted.

Becca assumed Mom was talking about sex, and since that ship had sailed… Well. “I’m very careful. But what are you so afraid of happening?”

“That he will break your heart,” Mom returned as if it were the only possibility. “That you will fall in love with him, head over heels, stupidly and irresponsibly, and then be devastated when he doesn’t give you what you want him to give you. It’s very easy to want something from a man and want it so hard and so badly you overlook everything else. But he won’t ever give you what you’re looking for. You can’t make a man give you something.”

Becca rubbed her hand over Pal’s muzzle, trying to keep all reactions under the surface. She knew this stemmed from Mom’s experiences with Becca’s father and the ensuing fallout with her family. Becca knew this wasn’t about her and Alex, but…

It hit that sore spot again. If Alex didn’t want to talk about his nightmares, and he didn’t want to address them, she’d never be able to make him. There would always be this thing standing between them. The things he kept locked away.

But did it matter when it was 99.9 percent good?

“Alex is a really good guy and he would never purposefully hurt me.” She knew that deep in her bones. His conscience wouldn’t stand for it. “But if I do get hurt, then that’s life. I’ve never had my heart broken. Is it really such a bad thing to put myself in a position where it might happen?”

“Having had my heart broken, crushed, losing my entire family and everything I had because of it? Yes, it’s that bad, Becca. I think you’re bright and sweet and wonderful and smart, but all of those things are so easy for men to stomp on. I would never accept my child having to go through what I went through. I can trust you and still feel that.”

Becca let go of Pal’s reins, trusting him to stay put or not wander far. She took her mother by the shoulders, needing this conversation to be over as much as she needed Mom to understand. Really. Truly.

“Mom, in some insane pseudo-world where I get knocked up and Alex wants nothing to do with the baby—which would never happen, by the way—I know you would never let your pride or your skewed morals or whatever it was that your parents had to hold on to stand in the way of me. I know you would support me, and you would give me everything, the same way you always have. So maybe I’m not afraid to have my heart broken because I know without one tiny shadow of a doubt that I have a soft place to land. No matter what I do or say, I know, I know, you’ll always be there for me. Won’t you be?”

Mom sniffled, clearly blinking back tears. “I hate this place,” she croaked, waving her arm to encompass the whole of the ranch. “I hate being here and remembering him and I hate that you’re all grown up.”

“I can’t fix any of those things.”

“No, you can’t. And neither can I.” She let out a long breath. “I keep thinking I can. If I work hard enough, pretend hard enough, I can make all the hurt go away.” She stepped away from Becca’s hands and rubbed her chest.

“Mom.”

“No, you’re right. I’m sorry. I want to protect you because that’s my soft place to land. My comfort zone was always fighting for you.” She stepped forward and rubbed Pal’s nuzzle. “I would and will be here for you no matter what happens. I’ll protect you.”

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