Page 67 of Cowboy SEAL Homecoming

“I think it’s something I’m going to take up in my military retirement,” Jack was saying. “Gossiping about other people’s sex lives.”

Alex pointed a finger at Jack. “Becca and I are not having sex. Jesus H. What the hell is wrong with you?”

“You’re not having sex yet. I think yet might be an important word.”

“There is no important word.”

“Why can’t you just admit that you like her?” Jack asked, leaning forward, some of his easy smiles and amusement fading. “Why can’t you admit that she is smart and funny and cute, and she doesn’t take your crap too seriously, which I find the most endearing thing about her?”

“Why are you trying to matchmake? We have a foundation to start. With the woman in question. Who just happens to be—”

“No, you can’t use the stepsister thing only when it suits you.”

“Says who?” Alex demanded. It was a convenient excuse all in all, even if Becca had obliterated it last night.

Again Jack laughed. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you quite so…worked up. Or is it confused? Or is it”—Jack feigned a gasp of horror—“not knowing exactly what to do?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you quite so annoying, and that is saying something, Jack.”

Jack was quiet for a while, and Alex could only hope that was the end of it. What he wouldn’t give to shut everyone up—including his own brain.

“Can you just explain to me why you think it would be so monumentally awful if you let yourself enjoy something with her?” Jack asked, sounding far more sincere than Alex wanted him to.

“What kind of question is that?”

“It’s an honest one. For as long as I’ve known you, Alex, you have taken on the responsibility of ten men. You’ve been a damn fine leader and even a good friend. You were one of the few people who didn’t make awkward jokes or avoid me altogether when the shit with Madison went down. But you have never allowed yourself one ounce of freedom. Fun.”

Alex tensed at the unfortunate truth in that. The past few years had not been fun. He’d been weighted. Drowning in responsibilities and the fate of others. Sometimes it had even felt like the fate of the country rested on his shoulders.

Which hadn’t been right, but…well, he’d been in charge of keeping peace, ensuring freedom. He was making up for the thing he’d been too young to fix. He’d lost the ability to take that lightly.

“Maybe that’s because I came into the regiment later and you’d already been deployed a couple times,” Jack continued in that same maddeningly even and sincere tone. “Maybe I didn’t know you at your fun-loving best. But she’s a sweet girl and she likes you. The only reason you haven’t started something with her is that we all work together—not that you’re not interested in her right back. You wouldn’t be conflicted if you didn’t feel something.”

Alex opened his mouth to stop this entire conversation. To bark out an order to cease and desist. Except he wasn’t supposed to order anyone around anymore. He’d promised to back off on that, and the promise was the only thing that had him shutting his mouth.

“I get working together can be sticky. But I’d say we’ve dealt with a lot stickier situations in our lives. So you’ll have to excuse me if that doesn’t hold much water.”

“What the hell is all of this to you?”

Jack drained the last of his coffee and gave a little shrug as he stood. “You know, believe it or not, Alex, you’re my friend and I care about you. Which hopefully is the only time in my life I actually have to say that out loud, unless I’m present at your deathbed. Gabe and I want you to be happy because…maybe you were sacrificing things for us because it’s how you’re wired, but it doesn’t mean it goes unnoticed. It certainly doesn’t mean we don’t appreciate it. We’re here because of you. We made it through that accident and hospital stint in large part because of you. So why does it matter? Because I like you, and I care as much about your future and happiness as you do about mine.”

With that, Jack walked swiftly out of the room.

Alex took Jack’s vacated seat, a headache throbbing at his temples as though he’d been the one to kick back twentysomething beers last night.

He wanted to dismiss everything Jack had said. He wanted to ignore it. But that was the thing about Jack that always snuck up on Alex. Jack knew how to push a guy’s buttons. He knew how to give reasoning so tight no one could get out of it.

He’d offered something Alex couldn’t ignore. Because if part of Jack’s happiness and healing was tied in with Alex being happy and healing himself…he was going to feel like a guilty ass until he did it.

But happiness was not intrinsically tied to Becca. Maybe she made him laugh, and occasionally talking about things he’d rather face an insurgent than deal with wasn’t so bad with her, but that didn’t mean he had to act on anything.

Maybe that kiss would haunt him for the rest of his life, but that didn’t automatically mean he should repeat it. Even if she was more than willing. Even if it was a little bit more than perfect.

Maybe he wanted to be around her most all the time, kissing or not, but that didn’t mean…

Hell. He might be an expert in denial, but even he could see how weak his “that didn’t means” were.

Now, if only he knew what the hell to do about that.

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