Page 106 of Cowboy SEAL Homecoming

The aftermath of a good day, laughter, conversation, amazing sex. Together in bed, happily sated and realizing he was going to leave. That he wouldn’t spend the night until he felt like he’d overcome this thing in his head.

She understood him, too well, and much like her relationship with her mother, it made everything more complicated. Because she understood where they were coming from, and she wanted to be able to give them that thing that they wanted from her, but it wasn’t what she wanted.

“What’s wrong?” he murmured, tracing a hand up and down her arm. “You got all tense again.”

She leaned into him, curling around him, burrowing into him. This was her favorite place to be, and she got so little of it.

In the light of day, she always talked herself out of asking for more. She could tell herself to give him time, to give him space. She reminded herself that so much of this was wonderful and perfect, so why focus on the one little thing that wasn’t?

Except the more she experienced, the more she understood that this wasn’t…right. She was beginning to think it wasn’t healthy. It was something broken. A kind of fracture, and it wasn’t going to heal.

Not if she kept ignoring it.

“Alex…” She stayed pressed to him but tilted her head back so she could look into his eyes. “Stay.”

There was a flash of pain in his eyes, and she hated putting it there, but Mom had said love could hurt. Love did hurt. “Please, I want you to.” Because talking to Mom instead of sparing her feelings or avoiding conflict had been a positive. It could be the same here.

“Better not.” He kissed her temple then slid out of bed.

“Alex—”

“I know, Bec. I know. I’m working on it.”

“Working on what?”

He shrugged, pulling his clothes on carefully, not looking at her. “Just…everything. It’ll happen eventually.”

She didn’t know what to say to that. The word eventually was so bland. So meaningless. “You know the nightmares don’t bother me, and I know they bother you. That doesn’t mean you can’t stay. It doesn’t mean—”

“Please.”

He stood so ramrod straight, so tense, but it was that please that broke her. How could she push when he sounded so…

“Don’t push, okay? Give me time.” When he did finally look at her, it was that stoic, blank soldier look.

It broke her heart, and something awful and heavy stuck in her gut. She tried not to think this was always the way it was going to be. He was working on it—him admitting to working on it rather than ignoring the nightmares existed was some kind of progress.

Wasn’t it?

Fully dressed, Alex leaned over and brushed a kiss against her mouth. “Good night.” But he didn’t straighten right away. He stood, bent over her, studying her face, and for a moment…

She held her breath, willing him to say the words. Willing it to be a step.

But in the end, he said nothing. He just straightened and walked out of her bedroom, leaving her alone.

Hannibal meowed from the end of the bed where he’d resettled himself after Alex had gotten up. Becca sighed. “Sorry. You’re not the company I want.”

She wanted Alex’s company, his trust, his full heart—and was starting to worry that was the one thing she’d never have.

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