Page 92 of Cowboy SEAL Homecoming

She reached out to touch him and he moved away. Something in that ready-to-fight posture slumped. She moved toward him again and tried to touch his shoulder, but he jerked away.

“Go back to sleep,” he said roughly.

“Come back to bed,” she returned, trying to keep her shaky emotions out of her voice.

“No. I need to go to my own room.”

“Alex. It’s all right. You had a nightmare and—”

“I know what I had. I’m going to my own room. And you’re going to stay here.”

“But—”

“No buts.” He straightened, and even though it was dark, she knew he was still shaking. That he was shaken.

She followed him to the door, unwilling to let him walk away scared. He needed a hug and someone to comfort him.

She took his arm, but he jerked away. Violently.

“Do not touch me right now.”

“Just let me hold you,” she implored. Maybe it wouldn’t fix anything, but it couldn’t hurt him.

“No.” He made a sound she didn’t know how to classify. Certainly not anything remotely kind. “Give me space, Becca.”

“I don’t think that’s what you need.”

“I don’t give a shit what you think I need,” he returned, frustration and fury in his tone, but there was something underneath it all. Something she wondered about. Fear maybe?

“I know what I need and it’s to be left the hell alone.” He paused at the door and she knew him well enough to know he regretted those harsh words. He was not a man comfortable with lashing out at people. “I’m sorry for yelling, but trust me, you don’t want any part of this.”

“I do want part of it,” she replied, heart aching. Yeah, it was sad and maybe a little scary, but it didn’t mean she wanted to pretend it wasn’t there. It was part of him, and he was who she wanted. “I want to help you.”

“You don’t.”

She knew she shouldn’t get mad. Not when he was upset from a nightmare, but the way he refused to take her words at face value was too much. “I want to comfort you and make you feel safe. If you can’t take that, all right, that’s fine,” she said, her voice wavering. “But don’t sit there and tell me it’s for my own good or what I don’t want when I know what I want. I know what I want from you, and I don’t think you have a clue of what I’m capable of withstanding.”

His back was still to her and he didn’t move. She held her breath and hoped he would realize she wasn’t stupid. She knew whatever he was dealing with wasn’t easy. He hadn’t led an easy life, and leaving the military didn’t magically make all those things he’d seen and done go away.

“I’m going to sleep in my own bed so you can get some sleep. So I can…”

“You can what? Pretend it never happened? Tell me about it, Alex. Maybe if you talk—”

He whirled on her then, clearly at his wit’s end. She shouldn’t have been poking at him when he was dealing with so much, but…but what was she supposed to do? Just shut up and let him pretend like this wasn’t happening? Pretend he was fine and not dealing with something hard and serious?

Doubt crept in as he advanced on her. Actually, maybe he knew exactly what he needed. He was the one who’d seen the awful things. Maybe she didn’t know what the hell she was talking about.

“You want this to be something, right? Me and you?”

She lifted her chin even though she felt like cowering. She knew no matter what she ended up saying or agreeing to, she couldn’t be defeated by it. She couldn’t let him intimidate her. Even if he did.

“Yes, I do.”

“Then you let me deal with this my own way. That is the beginning and the end of it. We don’t discuss my nightmares. You don’t worry about me because I have my shit handled.”

She swallowed, because she wanted to argue, but at the same time, how was it her place to argue? She didn’t know anything. Maybe…maybe she was wrong.

Except he clearly did not have his shit handled, and she didn’t even care that he didn’t. She just wanted…she wanted him to trust her with it. But maybe they had to build up to that, and maybe that was okay.

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