Page 27 of Bride for Keeps

She side-eyed him as they walked along a little trail. He hadn’t reacted to the baby news like she’d expected, that was for sure. “I have to say I’m surprised you haven’t tried to doctor your way into this.”

“It’s all still surreal. Hard to believe. I probably would have though, if things were…normal. But I also know there’s probably a few more weeks before they’ll do a checkup, so I have time.”

Sierra rolled her eyes. She should have known he had a plan, though she’d give him a tiny bit of credit for his honesty.

“I should be there. Not as a doctor, but as your husband and as the baby’s father. I should be at all your appointments.”

“But you’re not going to be my husband, Carter. I need you to accept that. Time won’t change my mind. Some magic fact you come up with won’t change my mind. I have to make a new start.”

“Why do you have to do that?”

“Why?” she spluttered. She couldn’t believe the question. Did why matter when she’d made her decision? “Because. That’s why.”

“Shouldn’t you be able to tell me why?” he asked, and there was an odd edge to his tone. One she didn’t recognize.

“I can. Maybe I don’t want to.”

He shook his head. “That isn’t right, and it isn’t fair. Maybe you think I should know or be able to understand through magic or whatever, but that isn’t fair.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and watched his feet as they walked. He opened his mouth, but didn’t speak right away, almost as if he was struggling with something. “I’m human, Sierra.”

She wanted to be angry at that simple statement of fact. As if she expected him to be perfect and godlike. She wasn’t his father. She had never, ever had those kinds of expectations of him. In fact, she’d always wished he’d be a little less perfect so she didn’t feel so dumb in comparison.

But in the sunshine of a winter afternoon, she realizedheexpected himself to be that perfect, inhuman robot. And admitting he was only human was something of a step.

Some little bubble of hope took hold of her fast and hard, but she had to pop it. Reality was that no matter what steps he took or what he realized, there was no positive future for them together. They’d had their shot. It hadn’t worked. She had to be firm in that.

She couldn’t wake up suspecting he didn’t love her again. She couldn’t live in a constant cycle of knowing she wasn’t enough while he turned away from her, and that felt inevitable. If it happened so easily, so early in their marriage, how could it not happen again?

“Fine. If you must know, I want a new start because I was miserable and making myself more so. A marriage isn’t two people barely talking or hardly seeing each other. And it’s…” She struggled to find the right word. One that fit but didn’t pain her to admit. “It’s not fun to shrink to take up less and less space. I won’t do it anymore.”

“What if I don’t want you to do it anymore either? What if I wanted you to take up more space?”

You wouldn’t let me. Part of her wanted to say it. To lay it all out there. The way he’d shut her out and down, but she couldn’t get her lips to work that way. The thought of baring her soul filled her with such body-numbing fear she could barely suck in a breath.

She’d spent most of her teenage years embracing her weaknesses so it didn’t hurt when her father chided her for them. But for some reason when it came to Carter, she’d been afraid to let him see any of them. At least the ones that would kill her to have him criticize.

She could handle someone calling her flighty or overdramatic. She knew she was those things, and she didn’t see much point in being different. But she didn’t want Carter to see how soft her heart was, how much it hurt when he acted as though she didn’t even exist. How it made her feel as worthless as she always secretly suspected she was.

She wanted to be stronger than all that. Tougher. Tough and hard was the only way to get through life. Dad had tried to impart that on all of them.

Now she’d spent the past few days under her father’s roof and seen a softer side to the gruff, hardworking man she’d cast as the villain in her teenage rebellions. But something in her adult life had made her realize even if he’d gone about it the wrong way, he’d been trying to teach them how to survive a tough world.

She should have listened better. Maybe her heart wouldn’t be so bruised and bloody.

“The five minutes doesn’t count if it’s silent,” Carter said gently.

“The talking is your idea.”

“I guess I could tell you about my dinner companions last night.”

She felt her mouth curve in spite of herself. It was so cute when he thought he was sneaky or had some piece of information she didn’t. He was always wrong because usually he was so wrapped up in something or other he hadn’t noticed it the first time around.

“Absent-minded professor,” she murmured.

“You haven’t called me that in… Well, I think since before we got married.”

Oof. She didn’t want to dive into that well of hurt. The way things had changed once they’d gotten married. Once she’d been McArthurized. So, she wouldn’t. “You had dinner with Cole and Lina.”

“How’d you know that?” he asked, sounding slightly incredulous, which helped take her mind off all that hurt.

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