Page 26 of Bride for Keeps

“Not fun, exactly. But for the future. Our future.”

“Is this some creepy business proposition? Are you going to try to sell me leggings?”

Cole’s expression went puzzled. “What are leggings?” He shook his head. “Whatever. It’s not business. It’s life. The rodeo circuit is heating up and I won’t be able to be gone for just weekends anymore. A good six months of being on the road lies ahead of me, and Jess will be with me some of the time but most of the time she’ll be here. I don’t want to leave her with a nest of surly, bickering McArthurs.”

“Didn’t worry you ten years ago,” Lina pointed out.

“I’d make you take a shot for that except you’re right. I thought I was doing the right thing, but it wasn’t. But I’m not eighteen anymore and neither are you.” He turned his gaze to Carter. “Or you. We’re adults. I don’t know about you two, but I have a future to build. I’m going to marry Jess once we’re ready. We’re going to have a family at some point. Here, in Marietta. Home. I need to know… I can’t fix Mom and Dad. Maybe they don’t even need fixing. I don’t know. But if I’m going to build a family here, I want the McArthur name to mean something to my family, or for them. Not the way it means something to Dad. I want it to mean they have a family. Support, no matter what choices they make. Love. Security.”

Carter blinked down at his dreary-looking chili. A family. He’d been so wrapped up in getting Sierra back, he’d focused more on the idea of pregnancy thanfamily. Focused more on the science of it than the end result. Children. A child. There was going to be a living, breathing child.Hischild.

Cole wasn’t even married or procreating and he was thinking about his future family. What he wanted for them.

And Carter was going to be afatherin the rather near future. He needed to be thinking about these kinds of things too. His child as a being rather than a murky idea.

“I don’t know how you’re going to make that happen, Cole. We’re all warped. We’ve always been warped,” Lina said.

It matched Carter’s own thoughts on the matter, but something about thinking about the future unlocked some other feeling inside of him. A kind of denial or refusal.

No, he didn’t want this for his kids. Having to be perfect or thinking they were better only to reach their thirties and realize it was all a bunch of manipulative bullshit. It kept you apart and alone and…wrong, somehow. In ways you couldn’t quite figure out.

No, he didn’t want that for his kids. He wanted a bright, warm world for them and God knew Sierra would give that to the child, but he wanted to as well. He wanted to live in that warmth. The three of them.

“I’d rather be single forever than be like them,” Lina muttered. “Don’t know why it took so long to see it.”

“I think they love each other in their warped way,” Cole offered.

“Why do you think that?”

“Did you watch them when they announced Dad’s diagnosis and Carter’s… Well. They reached out. Held on to each other. Maybe they’re not the best people, but maybe they’re not the worst either. They’re not monsters. Warped, yeah. Wrong, definitely. But they’re…human too.”

Lina looked incredibly dubious, but Carter figured Cole had a point. It wasn’t one he could untangle or process right here in this instant, but there was something to them not being evil monsters, or perfect saints. Something about that messy gray area he’d always shied away from.

He didn’t particularly want to dive into it now, but he didn’t want to lose Sierra. He didn’t want to be a crappy brother to his siblings, and he didn’t want to be a man made out of the perfect McArthur image.

Not just because it was a lie, but because it wasn’t worth upholding if it meant a life without the people he loved. Without being free to love them in other ways than he was used to.

For the first time in his entire life, he understood why Sierra had said she couldn’t be a McArthur and be happy.

Now if he only knew how to convince her being a McArthur didn’t have to mean that unhappiness anymore.

Chapter Seven

It was toocold to be sitting on a bench in Crawford Park watching the icy Marietta River trickle idly in the sunlight.

Sierra lifted her face to the sun though. No matter the temperature, or more importantly, the windchill, she needed to get out more. Feel the sun on her face. Breathe the fresh air. She’d been shutting herself inside these past few months, letting everything fall in on itself.

She needed to throw open the windows and breathe fresh, new air into her brand-new start.

She opened her eyes at the sound of a car door and looked over to see Carter walking toward her.

She had to deal with the past before she could fully step into her fresh start. So, she’d agreed to meet him today. On her own terms. Where and when she wanted.

“A bit cold, isn’t it? We could sit in the car or—”

“Let’s walk,” Sierra interrupted. She wanted to move. She was finding the more she got up and did things, the less puny and nauseous she felt.

“So, I guess you’re feeling…well,” he finished, kind of lamely.

---