“Well, it is, isn’t it?”
“I’m sure your parents don’t think so.”
Lina rolled her eyes. “My parents can’t see past their own eyeballs. It’s funny, I used to think it was just because Carter must be so much better than us. Or, after Cole left, that Dad just ignored me because I was lacking in the penis department.”
Sierra snorted out a laugh. Lina could always be counted on to say the frankest, funniest thing.
“But the thing is, I don’t think it’s about Carter really. Whatever warped thing they’ve got going on with him stems from all the…issues. Carter’s been holed up ignoring everything and everyone the past few days, you know. Won’t talk to anyone, even Mom. She’s livid.” Lina smiled.
“I’m sure he’ll be back in no time.”
“Probably,” Lina agreed. “And I still think he’s a jackass at fault but, if it helps you feel better, he isn’t like himself at all.”
Sierra thought about the two interactions she’d had with him today and yesterday. Lina was right. Even though he was still recognizably Carter, there were elements of him that were…off. The snippy comment about her carrying his baby—that wasn’t Carter at all.
“I wish I could just skip ahead till this didn’t hurt anymore,” Sierra grumbled as they turned around and started to head back to the hospital.
“I said that about residency the other day. One of the older doctors gave me this big lecture about enjoying the moments, because they all have pros and cons, and when you move on there will be things you miss.”
“I guess that’s true.”
“I think it’s old-people bullshit.”
Sierra snorted.
“I mean, how is life not going to be more fulfilling once you’ve got your own choices to make?”
“Well, life is full of choices you have to make that you don’t want to. I’d rather not be divorcing your brother. I want it to work. It just doesn’t. It’s not a fun choice, even if it is mine.”
Lina huffed. “Men are turds. I’m going to be alone forever.”
Alone forever. It gave Sierra a little shudder to think of her life stretching before heralone. Except she wouldn’t be. She had a baby coming, and she had her family.
Still she couldn’t help picturing herself alone in bed night after night. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t conjure up a fictional future partner who didn’t have Carter’s beautiful face.
But worse, so much worse, she had no problem picturing Carter with someone else. A doctor probably. A tall blonde doctor who would have eight million degrees, teach their baby French or something, and whisk everything Sierra had ever loved away—including this town.
What an awful,awfulthought. And stupid. Because if Carter found someone else, she could too. Maybe not a doctor but a…a… Someone. Who did something.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, sure,” Sierra forced herself to say. “You won’t be alone forever. Someone will come along who’ll make you swallow that sharp tongue of yours. You know, instead of run screaming in the opposite direction.”
It was Lina’s turn to snort. “I won’t hold my breath. Better get back.”
“Don’t stay away from Carter on my account, okay? As much as I appreciate it, I don’t need you to take sides. I want you to be happy, and Carter’s your family. I don’t hate him or anything. I’m frustrated and hurt and upset but I know… It’s not like he purposefully did something to hurt me. We just didn’t work. That’s life, I guess. And you learn from your mistakes and move on to find the things that work.” God, she prayed that was true.
Lina chewed on her lip for a few seconds. “I guess. But it’s hard when you really want something to work and it doesn’t. I really wanted you and Carter to work, and I know you did too.”
Since Sierra felt like crying, she shrugged and looked away. “Yeah, well. I’ll see you around. Maybe we can actually sit down somewhere warm and have lunch next time you have a day off.”
“Yeah. Definitely.”
“Bye, Lina.”
“Bye.”
Sierra huddled into her coat more, but instead of heading for her car, she decided to walk toward the Marietta River. Spring was still weeks if not months off and the wind was cold, but it was a sunny day and something about the brisk walk with Lina had felt refreshing.