Page 68 of So Bad It Must Be Good

“But now is different because . . . Why, exactly? You said you loved me. So why should I think anything would change? He’ll always come first.”

“There’s no hierarchy, Kay. You don’t seem to understand how grave this situation is.”

“No, Liam. I do. I don’t expect it to be easy, and I know life isn’t fair. But I know, I know, at some point you have to choose. Because you can’t keep fixing everyone. Especially when they very purposefully don’t want you to fix them. He wants to punish you. He wants to manipulate you, because he can.”

“He’s my brother.” It was the only thing Liam could think to say. How did you walk away from helping your own family? It wasn’t like he was suggesting they actually break up. He wasn’t choosing Aiden over her. He was just . . . rearranging things until they could maneuver Aiden into some help.

Was that really so much to ask?

“He’s his own fucked-up person,” Kayla replied, and a tear slipped over her cheek, practically killing him where he stood. “You can’t make him not that, and trust me—because been there, done that—your mom won’t magically love you more if you do what she wants.”

She kept saying shit like that and he didn’t know how to argue with it. But he had to find a way because she was wrong. She didn’t see it the way he did. How could she?

“This isn’t some warped crusade to get my mother’s love or approval. I have that. I’m sorry you don’t, but we’re not the same.”

She laughed, that same nasty laugh from earlier. Nothing sweet or soothing as her laugh normally was.

“Okay, we’re not the same. Then I guess you’ve never done something in the hopes it would get noticed or earn you a pat on the back or a good job. You’ve never gotten so used to doing what they want you to do, you don’t even know what you want to do.”

“I know what I want to do,” he ground out.

“Fix everything?”

She said it so condescendingly, and it grated. He’d never been anything but honest and straightforward with her. He’d never hidden those fixer impulses. He wasn’t suddenly showing his true colors. He’d been this all along.

“This isn’t exactly what I expected from my girlfriend the night before my father’s surgery.”

“Well, it’s not really what I expected either since we aren’t talking about your father. We’re talking about your brother.”

“It all connects, Kayla. It’s my family.”

She inhaled deeply, and some of that harshness on her face left, but he didn’t like what was left any better. It was all soft hurt and more tears.

“I get it. I do. You don’t want to think we’re alike, but I understand this, Liam. You don’t want to admit what they’re doing to you because it feels good to help. You feel valuable.” She stepped forward and touched him for the first time since this conversation had gone horribly wrong. She looked up at him imploringly. “I value you, and I don’t expect you to fix me in return. I love you, and that means I want you to be happy—it makes me happy. Yeah, maybe Aiden needs some help. Maybe he’s not in the best place, but if you losing is the only thing that makes him even receptive to getting help, that isn’t love and it isn’t family, not one worth sacrificing for.”

“I think that’s easy for you to say.” He didn’t know why those words came out. He knew she was trying to help. He knew she didn’t mean her words to cause this river of pain to flow through him. But everything she said felt too close to right.

But if she was right, who the hell was he? What kind of life was he living. She just didn’t understand.

Her hand dropped from his chest and she stepped away, crossing her arms over her chest. Her expression was hard again, furious. And that poked at his own fury he was desperately trying to leash.

“Easy, huh?”

“Yeah, I think it’s pretty damn easy to judge my family’s treatment of me when you just ran away from yours instead of standing up to them or trying to understand them. Maybe I should be worried about future Kayla. Maybe when you’re unhappy, when you’re feeling like you’re decoration, of your own damn doing, you’ll run away.”

She inhaled sharply and there was a moment of clear, unfiltered pain on her face. She didn’t even bother to hide it. She didn’t look away. She didn’t straighten her shoulders. She stared right at him looking wrecked.

“Well, I’m glad I see what you really think of me.”

“We’re both angry and saying things we don’t—”

“I meant every word I said, so don’t bother to try and fix this too, Liam. You made your choice, and it’s time for me to make mine. I’d like you to leave.”

He took a step toward her, apologies on his lips. He didn’t want to leave. This had gotten completely out of hand, and if she let him . . . If she gave him some time he could make sense of this. He could fix this.

“Now,” she said firmly, stalking toward the door. “I have nothing left to say to you.” She wrenched it open and pointed.

He took a deep breath, trying to calm the panic beating through him. The panic wouldn’t help. He needed to be calm and rational and he’d work this out. “I’ll go because you’ve told me to, but I don’t consider this over.”

She lifted her chin and looked him right in the eye as he stepped into the hallway. “Well, I do. And congratulations. Aiden got exactly what he wanted.” She slammed the door in his face before he could respond to that.

Not that he could. He had no words. He didn’t understand any of this. All he felt was numb.

And very, very alone.

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