Page 103 of Never Submit

I have no explanation for Ren. “It was meant to be.”

“She showed me how to bandage my dolls when they were sick. Even if it was just pretend, Mom never did anything half-assed. She was the steadiest person I knew.”

I watch her intently, noting the way her spine curves forward and her legs bend at unnatural angles. I watch her face for pain and there’s a slight tightening around her eyes but that’s all. That’s the only indication of pain before she falls forward and lands on all fours. Her skin disappears under a wave of snow-white fur.

Her body pitches closer to the ground, and I scent her. If I thought her irresistible as a human, her scent as a wolf makes my mouth water and stirs to life those buried urges inside of me.

“That’s it,” I whisper.

Ren completes her change, and I shift with her, allowing my wolf to take over.

A short barked command gets her attention, and she whips around to face me. Then I turn and take off into the woods.

Knowing instinctively that Ren is close on my heels.

Chapter 23

Ren

Idid it.

I shifted into a wolf, on my own time, in my right mind, without emotions riding me the way they have in the past.

This time, there was only a small prick as my muscles warped and lengthened. My bones broke and reshaped themselves, but it wasn’t as terrible as the last time, in the billiard room. There, Torin had been cold, and the rejection did something to me. It made the knot in my chest a thousand times worse than it might have been on any other day.

With Mathis, it’s different.

He’s right that there’s a part of me I haven’t wanted to look at, content to see it as something separate. Not actually myself. But with him, he makes me almost delighted to lean into the difference. To explore it. And when he talks about his childhood?—

The change isn’t bad. Not with him at my side.

It seems more natural this way. There is just something about Mathis that always puts me at ease even when thedesire hits. He’s the kind of guy who is impossible to ignore. Woodsy, stubborn, and strong.

I smell him even better now than I have in the past. It’s like his scent is everywhere, wrapping me up in a cozy blanket, enrapturing my senses. The stress of the attack and the last few days melts away when I’m next to him.

I knew there was something about him when he walked through the door at Rudy’s bar. He looked like a man born to rule, but he’s good at what he does. Effective.

I bolt after him when he takes off into the woods. What happened with Carrigan, with Flora, with the move, I’ve gotten through it by dissociating. This morning, my happy bubble of apathy snapped and everything melded together until I couldn’t stand myself anymore. I found Torin first by this scent alone, following it like a thread through the camp until I cornered him by the lakeshore.

His brush off stung even though I anticipated it.

My paws dig into the earth to carry me forward, faster and faster. Trees speed by in a blur. I catch up to Mathis, and he tosses me a glance over his shoulder.

There you are, sweetheart.

I pull up short at the sound of his voice in my head.You can do it, too?

Do…what?

He rounds on me and whines, a small sound to get my attention when I realize I’ve stopped in surprise.

Talk to me this way. In my head. I thought only Noble was able to do it.

And Noble is there, a thread of energy in my head and in my heart, the connection between us even more tangible in this form.

And it’s…nice. It’s different being a wolf as opposed to being a human, of course. I feel every press of my padded paws against the forest ground. Every hair on my body is attuned to the whims of the earth and the rustle of the winter breeze. My senses are sharper and my mind clearer.

The warning bells I’d always thought would clang tremendously if I gave in are silent. The wolf isn’t something to be frightened of.

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