Page 16 of Till Cupid Do Us Part

“That’s okay. We can at least leave a message.”

“Why are you wantin’ to talk with him? Is somethin’ wrong?”

I roll my lip between my teeth, trying to wrangle my thoughts together. They’re bouncing off the walls of my mind, every strand getting tangled around another.

“Do you think he wants forgiveness for what he did to me? Does he regret it? Feel guilty? Or is he just so full of hate for what we did to him that he doesn’t care about what came before? Should it matter what he did? Maybe we were worse to him than he ever was to me.”

“Angel,” he murmurs, shifting me sideways so I’m forced to face him. I pull my legs up between us and lean my cheek against his bicep. “Where is this comin’ from?”

“Just answer me, Niko. Please.”

He holds my knee and clears his throat, face tight. “Travis is stubborn and lacks the ability to think about his actions before he carries them out. I don’t know if that’s changed in the past year. Regardless, thereisa conscience in that thick skull of his. I know he feels guilt. Shame, too. I imagine it’s damn near impossible for him not to feel like shit about what he did to you. Seein’ you with me and knowin’ you’re my woman now is a constant reminder of how bad he fucked up. Whether he finds his actions worse than ours, I’m also not sure. I think we both got our own idea of who was worse. All we can do is keep apologizin’ and hope that one day, he gets over it the way he has wants you to.”

“I’m tired of the constant tiptoeing and guilt, Niko. I just want us to move on. All of us. Sure, maybe it’s not supposed to be that easy, but Junie deserves to be raised in a big family with everyone who loves her without worrying about someone saying the wrong thing around the wrong person and things imploding. What happens when she gets old enough to be able to tell that things aren’t the way they should be and asks why? What are we going to tell her?” I ramble, my stomach filling with acid. “Is she going to feel ashamed of our actions?”

“We’ll tell her that sometimes love isn’t easy. It’s complicated as fuck, but that’s what makes it worth it. I don’t want to tiptoe around our daughter, Ivy. If she asks, we tell her the truth. And if she chooses to feel shame, then we’ll just have to prove to her that this was the way it was supposed to be. Hopefully by then, she’ll already know that.”

“You don’t think she’ll look at us differently for how we met? For how we got together?”

I turn my face into Niko’s arm and release a breath that raises the dark hairs tickling my face. The fireplace is hot, and he’s shirtless, his thick, strong muscles providing a constant sense of protection as I dive into my fears.

“No. We’re not perfect people, and I never want her to think that we are. She’s the closest thing to perfect I’ve ever fuckin’ seen, but that’s not what she should ever expect of those around her. We’re human. That means we can be as cruel and selfish as we can be kind and carin’. One thing I won’t give her is an unrealistic expectation of the world. We love her to death and will always put her up on a pedestal, but we’re bound to fuck up along the way. I did that one too many times with Travis.”

“I don’t . . . I don’t want her to ever face any repercussions from the world because of our relationship. You know how people are. You’ve just said it. People can be assholes, and Travis wasn’t completely off base. You’re way older than me. We’ve already dealt with judgment to an extent.”

The dirty looks and smirks from men who think they know who I am off a blind look at a restaurant or a store on a quiet Saturday morning. I can’t blame them too much. It’s taboo. Our entire relationship is far beyond our ages.

If I didn’t love Niko as much as I did, maybe I’d take their judgment a bit more to heart. If it were just us, I wouldn’t give a shit at all. It’s my worry for our daughter and the judge first, ask later mentality of the world around us that forces my mind in that direction.

“Anyone hurts our girl, they deal with me, angel,” he swears.

“You mean they deal with your fist.”

“I’m not partial to my fist. I’ve got a million weapons I could use instead. I’ve always wanted to kick someone in the ass with a steel-toed boot.”

My giggle is unstoppable. “You do know that you’re threatening to kick a kid in the ass, most likely, right?”

“A pretend kid.”

“For now.”

“You ever gonna stop bustin’ my balls, gorgeous?”

I run my lips over the swell of his bicep, humming. “As if you’d ever want me to.”

“I’m a glutton for punishment when it comes to you,” he relents.

“That’s one way to describe it.”

His touch against my cheek and jaw has my eyes fluttering shut. “We’ll call Travis. And if you need answers from me, I’ll get them from him. It’s long overdue.”

“You don’t think it will ruin all the progress we’ve made?”

“Even if it did, I couldn’t say that I’d regret it. Holdin’ this inside is hurtin’ you, and I refuse to make that worse. Travis has long since decided that I’m not worth a spot in his life, but you and Junie deserve better.”

“I don’t want to carry the weight of what he did to me anymore,” I admit in a low voice.

He pinches my chin, and I snap my eyes open to meet his biting gaze. “I’m not Travis. You won’t find me sayin’ a fuckin’ word against you, Ivy. You’re my reason to get up every mornin’. My goddamn dream come true. Now, tomorrow, ten years from now. I’m goin’ to tell you the same thing.”

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