Page 11 of Till Cupid Do Us Part

“The beddin’ was just washed two weeks ago. The whole place was scrubbed for us,” Niko says while leaning against the dresser, attention fixated on me.

I perch on the edge of the mattress across from him and ignore the bite of the wooden bed frame against my thighs. It’s a nice room. Dark and warm with wooden furniture and thick bedding. Everything here is in typical cabin fashion.

“You planned quite a few things for this trip,” I note, impressed but not surprised.

“It was important.”

Emotion clogs my throat as I press my lips together and nod. The burn behind my eyes is enough to have me lifting a hand to cover them.

“I’m so sorry, Niko.”

Even without looking, I know he’s moved to crouch in front of me. Two large, warm hands cup my knees, thumbs brushing the undersides. His comfort intensifies my guilt and anger with my behaviour.

“I don’t want you to apologize. I just want to know what to do to fix this.”

“You didn’t do anything that you need to fix. I’m the one who needs fixing,” I croak, rubbing the heels of my hands into my eyes. “I’m not sexy anymore. Having Junie has changed me, and I just don’t know how to get back to who I was before her.”

“What are you talkin’ about?” he asks gently, gliding his hands up to rub my thighs. “Not sexy? Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me?”

I drop my hands to lay over his and meet his gaze. The strength of the desire I find in the deep brown is . . . it’s incredible. It turns me inside out and upside down before I find the proper footing again.

“You don’t see it? The extra rolls on my stomach and flab on my arms? My thighs have nearly as many stretch marks as my belly does now, and my ass? God, what happened to my ass, Niko? It’s ruined!”

I’ve spent too many hours in the bathroom staring at myself in the mirror and wishing I could go back in time. I always knew I was a bigger girl, but now that I’ve gained more weight than I had a year ago, I’d do anything to be in my old body again.

It was easy to take it for granted when I wasn’t happy with how I used to look. I never thought I would be where I am now, so why would I have thought any differently?

Niko fell in love with the woman I was before we had Junie. Now, my tits are bigger and far saggier, and the figure I had and wished could have been more defined is just plain round. Everything I took for granted and despised is gone.

“Is that why you’ve been so closed off? Because of the way you see yourself now? Not somethin’ I did or said?” Niko asks, keeping his tone tender.

“Yes. But why does that matter to you so much whether you were the cause of all this or not?”

He shakes his head, disbelief flaring in his stare. The steady hands on my thighs keep shifting upward until they’re pushing them open, creating a large opening for him to shift between.

“Because now I know where to start,” he murmurs.

Before I can blink, he has me in his arms. I gasp, scrambling to wrap my legs around his waist in case he loses hold of me. If I go, he’s coming right down with me.

His chuckle is low and dirty in my ear. “If you’d have let me, I would never have stopped worshipin’ your body.”

“But you did,” I whisper.

The arms around me strain, but not from my weight. Niko sucks in a breath and rubs our cheeks together. I latch onto him tighter, tears wetting my lashes.

“None of how I’m feeling is your fault, Niko. This is all just so heavy. I feel like I’m not even myself sometimes. Like I’m in a body that isn’t mine.”

“You’ve been needin’ me. Needin’ support that I wasn’t offerin’.Thatis my fault.”

“How can you give support for something you don’t know about?”

He buries his face in my throat and releases a shaky exhale. “You’re still you, Ivy. Still the woman I fell in love with when I probably shouldn’t have. God knows I’ve made a million mistakes in my life, but bein’ with you? That’s the only thing I’ve ever fuckin’ done right.”

Every insecurity and negative thought comes rushing forward, clogging my mind. I speak the first that twists my tongue.

“When you look at me, what do you see?”

He moves us around to the side of the bed before laying me down on the mattress. I hold my breath as he climbs on top of me and takes my face in his hands, holding me like I’m the last flower of its kind and he’s scared of my petals falling.

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