Page 81 of Tough Nut to Crack

"What are your plans for today?" she asks as she passes the cream for the coffee.

"I don't really have any," I confess. "I may just curl back up on the sofa and watch daytime TV like I did when I was sick as a kid."

"Maybe a shower and a brush can be tossed in there?"

I laugh at the scrunch of her nose. "I don't stink."

"But you will eventually. Just looking out for you, friend."

I lift my cup of coffee to my lips, wishing that I wasn't such a coward because I'm pretty sure this is decaf, and I need more than my normal intake of caffeine to survive the day after the night I had.

Silence swarms around us, and normally, it would be no big deal to sit with Sage and not have a full-on conversation, but today feels different. I've been unable to silence the voices in my head, and they're on the verge of driving me a little insane, honestly.

"What do you think about what Adalynn, Madison, and Claire said this past weekend," I say after fighting the questions in my mind and losing.

"Which part?"

"The whole family and happily ever after."

"I think that's what some people strive for."

"But not everyone? Not you?"

She shrugs. "I've never discounted the chance that I might find someone to treasure and love the rest of my life, but I've never made it a part of who I am."

"Right."

"I mean, I can see the value in having that, but I've always been okay with being alone. I read a lot, and that's not something I feel like I want to change at this point in my life, and men are needy. They want attention, conversation, and stuff like that. I don't think I have the energy to give to a man, not if it means changing who I am."

"Sex is great," I remind her.

"Hmm," she says as if trying to pull some very distant memories to the forefront of her mind. "I can't recall."

I chuckle when she smiles. "I can tell you that there isn't a book that compares to the time I've spent with Mac."

"Then maybe stop avoiding him and go do the sex things," she suggests after another sip of her coffee.

"My life is such a mess right now."

"Because of Mac?"

I shake my head. "If anything, he's been like a light after months of darkness. I think I may have to sell thehouse to stay afloat."

"That seems like a last resort sort of thing."

"It is," I confess. "I don't see any other way."

"But where will you go? To the duplexes in town? Is there availability?"

"I haven't thought it through that far yet. I just know that I don't want to give up on my dream."

"That I understand. Maybe your luck will turn," she says, always the one to try and lift me up when I'm down.

"I don't think there's any luck left for me in Lindell."

"Now that," she says with a frown, pointing at me. "That's a defeatist attitude, and we don't allow that around here.Wouldn't you be sad about leaving your family home?"

"Do you remember my parents?" I ask with a quick shake of my head. "They're great grandparents to my brother's kids now, but they were sort of absent in our lives when we were growing up. They spent more time driving out of town for work than with us."

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