Page 59 of The Reluctant Wife

"Uh, guess I might as well—" I head toward the ladies’ room, but Ryot reaches it first. He holds the door open. I walk through and cross the floor to one of the cubicles.

When I emerge, he’s waiting inside the doorway; his gaze is, however, fixed on the distance.

I walk to the sink, wash my hands, and dry them. When I turn, it’s to find he’s not looking at me. My heart sinks.

Of course, it’s my fault. I withheld the fact that I’m engaged. He has every right to be upset with me, for ignoring me. But my stupid heart is not able to bear it. Not after how, just this morning, he made love to me.He said he has feelings for me. Twice. Which must mean he’s been thinking of me as much as I have of him, right?

And what about his wife? Did he have feelings for her? He must have, right? That’s why he married her. I can’t ask him about it, can I?

It doesn’t sound right, no matter how much I’m dying to know. I can’t be that intrusive. Especially not after how I hurt him.But I can’t bear him not even looking at me. I can’t.

I wash my hands, dry them, then glance at his reflection in the mirror. I turn, lean my hip against the counter. “Ryot... I know I messed up. I was so wrapped up in my own stuff that I completely ignored how my thoughtlessness would cause you pain.”

He stiffens. His expression grows even more severe.

“What I did wasn’t okay, and I'm truly sorry for that. But please, don’t avoid me. I can’t bear it.”

The planes of his chest grow rigid. His jaw seems like it’s carved out of ice.

Oh no, by reminding him of what I did, I'm only making it worse.

I hang my head. My chest is so heavy, it feels like my center of gravity has moved there. The backs of my eyelids burn. I will not cry. I will not.

Spine straight. You’re a princess.

Not even my mother’s voice pulls me out of the black hole I seem to have fallen into. The silence in the space grows and pushes down on my chest until it feels like I’m carrying the weight of the entire world. I can’t bear that remote expression on his face. I can’t imagine how much he’s hurting inside. And selfishly, I can’t bear the thought of him not forgiving me for what I did. I can’t.

“Please. Please say something,” I croak.

Something in my tone must get through to him, for he blows out a breath. A beat. Another. Then slowly, he turns his gaze on my face. There’s a bleakness on his features. A hopelessnessthat makes me want to hate myself all over again for not having come out and told him about my upcoming nuptials from the beginning.

I have been so selfish. Nothing is worth this wounded feeling I see in his gaze. Not the memories I’d hoped to hold onto. Not the fact that I gave my virginity to a man I wanted. If I could do it all over again, I’d suck it up and not keep him in the dark.

"Jane, was pregnant when she was killed in action,” he says flatly.

His words are a sucker punch. I feel like I’ve been kicked in the stomach. "Oh, my god." I slap my hand over my mouth.

"I didn’t find about it until later."

I lower my hand to my side, then turn to face him. "I’m so sorry, Ryot. More than you can imagine.”

His gaze turns stark. The pain and anger in his eyes freezes the air in my lungs. Then he pivots and walks out of there.

That dejection in his features was real.He must have loved her. And she was pregnant. No wonder he’s so devastated.

No doubt, keeping my engaged status from him has only added to his trauma.

I have no doubt now that this thing between us is over.

29

Ryot

"You’re not ready for this meeting with Arthur." Tyler pours water into a glass and hands it to me. I toss it back, wishing it were something stronger. Not that I’m going to let myself drink on the job, especially when it’s her life on the line.

"Thanks for pointing out the obvious," I growl.

Tyler merely tops up my glass with more water, then places the jug back on the counter.

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