Page 32 of The Reluctant Wife

I toss back my Champagne, hardly tasting it, then fix her with an unblinking glare. "There cannot be anything between us, Princess."

"So, you keep saying." She juts out her chin. "Yet you’re the one who implied that I need someone dominant to bring my desires to life."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that…even if it is true. But, the fact remains, I can’t do it. I can’t allow myself to be that person, however much I might want it."

She seems stricken, then firms her lips. "You keep using the fact that you’re my bodyguard to throw up walls between us. But I think it’s because you’re still not over your wife. That’s the real reason you’re too scared of acting on your instincts."

Anger squeezes my guts. My stomach churns. I grab the bottle of Champagne and top off my glass, then push the bottle aside. It’s a testament to how preoccupied she is that she doesn’t insist I also top her up. I take another fortifying sip of the bubbles and place my glass down carefully. "You have no idea what you’re talking about. You don’t know how things were between us."

"So, tell me.” She leans toward me. “I want to understand, Ryot. I know I have no right to ask you this, and I wish I didn’t care so much about your answer, but I do. I want to understandyoubetter. That kiss meant something to me. And despite my best efforts, I’ve begun to care for you. And you must feel something for me. You must, at least, consider me a friend. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have brought me here today. So—” She looks at me earnestly. “Talk to me. Tell me what’s on your mind.”

I glance away. I wish I could tell her how I felt about Jane. How if I hadn’t come home between tours at the same time as her, we never would've had that argument. I wouldn’t have pissed her off enough that she’d call up her commanding officer and insist that she leave right away. I wouldn’t have picked up the phone when it rang a few days later to find that she and her platoon had been taken out. I wouldn’t be left with the memorythat she’d been unfaithful to me for a while by the time she died—which was why we were fighting before she left.

I knew I’d made a mistake within weeks of marrying her. I realized then, I had never been in love with her. I didn't want to be with her, but I was so stubborn, I thought I could make things work. Meanwhile, it was clear she didn't care. I wonder if she ever cared at all. I wonder whether I did? Maybe that's why I felt …nothing—nothing—when I got the call. Nothing other than the lingering anger at her infidelity. And then the shame at being so relieved that she wasn’t coming back. The worst part was the crippling guilt that followed because, really, wasn’t I responsible for her going on that tour, in the first place?

How I wish I could tell Aura all of this. How I wish I could confess to her all that I feel foolish for marrying Jane, angry she cheated on me, guilty our fight caused her to go back early which led to her death, a failure for not making my marriage work, and ashamed for not even caring that she's dead. Nope. Not happening. I'm not even ready to admit most of that to myself.

I toss back the rest of my second glass of Champagne and wish it were something stronger. I never talk about Jane. The fact I even shared this much with the princess when I haven’t discussed it with my brothers is something I don’t want to question too closely.

“So, you did love her?” She asks softly.

“It’s complicated.” I look away then back at her. “I realize, that’s not a real answer, but it’s the only one I can give you right now.”

James returns, negating the need for more conversation. He slides a plate in front of her. "Seared Scallops with Cauliflower Purée and Truffle Oil, for your Highness and"—he places another in front of me—"Lobster Bisque with Cognac and Tarragon for you, Ryot." He steps back and looks between us. "Enjoy." He turns and leaves.

She looks at her plate. "You ordered for me?"

"I’m aware that you don’t have any food allergies and that you happen to love any fish-based dish."

She looks at me strangely. "How did you find that out?"

"I checked your file.”

She looks crestfallen. What her file didn’t mention is how much she loves Champagne. I found that out from her family chef. I used my position as her personal protective detail to find out everything I could about her.

"For the record, I also love seafood.”

"Hence…" She nods at my dish.

I pick up my spoon. Unable to stop myself, I lower my chin and inhale the aroma of the bisque. When I make a sound of appreciation deep in my throat, she shivers. The blood drains to my groin.

Damn!Her responsiveness will be my downfall. And it’s wrong of me to be this horny when I’ve been thinking about just how much I fucked things up with Jane, and how happy I am that she's not in my life anymore. Of course, I wouldn't have wished her dead, but… Annnd, now I feel guilty again. Good times.

I shove aside my attraction for the princess, then take a spoonful of the soup. The rich, creamy, and savory flavor coats my palate. The aromatic notes of onion, garlic, leek, and carrot add a subtle layer of complexity, which both satisfies me and makes me want more. James is a genius.

I scoop up the last of the mixture in the bowl, then tear off a piece of bread that’s on the accompanying plate and soak up any remaining drops with it. I bring it to my mouth, savoring the last drops, then look up to find she’s looking at my lips. Her own are parted, her cheeks flushed. And when I drag my thumb across my bottom lip, she gulps.

"Don’t you like your food?" I nod toward her almost untouched plate.

She ducks her head, and spearing a scallop, brings it to her mouth. When her pink tongue flicks out to lick it off her lips, my scalp tingles. My skin feels too tight for my body. Nope, not going there. I glance away, trying my best not to be affected when she hums under her breath. "This is really good."

"It is." My voice comes out strangled and I clear my throat.

She peeks up at me from under her eyelashes and when she sees the expression on my features, she flushes further. Our gazes lock, and she freezes. A look of yearning glitters in her eyes.

Unable to stop myself, I reach over and slide the fork from her fingers, then pierce another scallop and bring it to her mouth. She parts her lips, and I place it on her tongue. She licks off the tines of the fork, then chews. When she swallows, I can almost feel the suction around my cock. This time, I’m helpless in the wake of the need gripping me.

I spear the last scallop and bring it to her lips. When she’s licked the fork clean, I place it on her plate, then lower my hand and wrap my fingers around her throat.

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