Page 115 of The Reluctant Wife

"Well, it fazesme." I look away from that shrewd gaze of his, not sure how much I want to reveal of what I’m feeling.Strange huh? I wanted him to share everything with me and now that he is, I find myself pulling back."I… I didn’t realize how much I was in love with you until I thought I’d lost you." As I say it, I realize how true my words are. "I love you, Ryot."

His features soften. His eyes shine. "I love you too, Empress." He brings me in for a kiss, and I meet his lips.

I revel in the softness of his lips, the syrupy sensation invading my bloodstream as he deepens the kiss, the strength of his arms, the ungiving breadth of his shoulders, and how, despite his injury, he still overpowers me with his size and makes me feel intensely feminine. My head spins with the overwhelming emotions that I’ve been grappling with since I saw him get shot. A shudder grips me. I can’t stop my muscles from seizing up.

He instantly notices my body’s response, for his hold on me tightens. "What’s wrong?"

I shake my head. I’m not sure how to describe this turmoil I feel in my stomach, this tightness in my chest, this choking sensation in my throat that makes me feel like I’ll never be ableto breathe properly again. Perhaps, it's a delayed aftershock of seeing him wounded, and then praying for him in the waiting room, and now realizing that he's going to be okay.

"Hey, baby, it’s going to be okay." The beeping sound of his heart grows more persistent.

"I’m so sorry I’m stressing you out," I say through my tears.

"Hush, Empress, you’re what makes every moment of my life worthwhile. It’s because I have you in my arms that I know I’m going to be okay. From the first moment I saw you, I knew my life had changed for the better. It’s because I have you with me, that I can face down any challenge."

He notches his knuckles under my chin, so I have to look into his beloved emerald-green eyes.

"It’s you, Aura. Only you. I’ve been waiting for you all my life, and I didn’t even realize it. When I was shot and bleeding out, and I opened my eyes and saw you, I knew then, I found my reason for living. I knew I would survive because I wanted to live my life with you. I realized then, I had waited too long to commit completely to you. I swore, if I survived, I wouldn't waste a moment anymore. So, here I am, baby, all yours. I am all in."

I knew he loved me but that he was holding back. Here he is, having survived a bullet to his chest and feeling even more vital in many ways, telling me what I want to hear.

Hearing those words from his lips are a soothing balm to the tumult that the last few hours have wreaked inside of me. It feels like I’ve waited so long to hear him say that, and now when I hear his words, it feels perfect and real and momentous, all at the same time. Tremors grip me.

I hoped to find a man who’d be mine completely and utterly. Who’d look at me the way he is now. Who’d take in my features with that intensity in his eyes, that complete stillness about him which indicates he’s giving me his complete focus. To be at the center of his attention, such that every nerve-ending in mybody crackles with awareness. This is a feeling I never thought I’d have, and here it is.

My husband loves me. He adores me. He’ll do anything for me. He’ll die for me. And he’s made it clear he’s finally over the ghosts of his past… So why… Oh, why do I feel this anxious?

Why am I finding it so difficult to embrace what he’s saying?

Is it because he almost died on me, and I felt...like my entire world was going to collapse? I didn’t realize how much I’d begun to depend on him. To trust him. To want him by my side for the rest of my life.

As the ripples from what happened sink in, I realize, I’m irrevocably in love with him. If something were to happen to him, I’d never be able to withstand it.Him... He’s more important to me than... The country I’ve dedicated my life to.And that’s a shock.

It’s a reversal of everything I believe in. My world seems to tilt on its axis.

I've changed. My priorities have changed. And I need to process this. I need to make some decisions.

The tremors intensify.

Spine straight. You’re a princess.

And if I weren’t anymore. What then?As this possible new reality for my future sinks in, I shake my head. The thoughts intensify and crowd in.

I need to sift through these conflicting emotions. I need to make sense of what I’m feeling. Of what I must do.

Ryot's looks me over, a shadow of unease crossing his features, “Everything okay?”

Of course, I can’t hide anything from this man.

“Everything’s perfect.” I cup his cheek. “I realized that for the first time in my life, there’s something I value more than my love for my country.”

He inclines his head. “And what’s that?”

“You,” I kiss his forehead.

When I start to lean back, he clamps his palm around the nape of her neck and brings me in for a deep, drugging kiss.

“I love you so very much,” he slows the kiss, nibbles on my lower lip, and my nipples tighten.

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