Page 2 of Mine

“Cal is scared, but she wants to keep the baby too. We’ll figure it out, ya know? It’s not as if I don’t love her. I planned to spend the rest of my life with her anyway, to start a family with her. It looks like all that is happening earlier than planned, is all.”

I put an arm around him, and John drops his head on my shoulder. There’s nothing sexual between us, no romantic feels. I’d worried he might think that when I came out to him, but again, John did all the right things. He knows I don’t see him like that, and I know he never will with me either.

“I got your back. You know that. Any way I can help, I will.”

“Uncle Marsh,” he says, and I can tell he’s smiling.

“I like the sound of that.” My head is still spinning, but I’m trying not to let it show.

When John cries, I hold him. I’m sure he’s probably wondering about his future and feeling like he’s letting his family down, as well as worried about a million other things he takes responsibility for.

“You’re going to be the best father in the world,” I tell him because John’s the type that needs to hear it.

“How do you know?”

“Because I know you.”

John wipes his eyes. “Thanks, Marsh. It helps that you have my back.”

“Always, brother.”

“Yeah, I know. And I always have yours too.” And though I don’t have it in me to believe that about anyone else in my life, I believe it from John.

When high school graduation comes around, he chooses to spend the night with just me and not Callie. He’s doing it for me so that I realize that no matter what happens in our lives, we’ll always be like brothers.

When I leave for college in California, John makes sure we speak at least once a week. He travels out to surprise me for my birthday, comes to my college graduation too. When he goes on trips with his family, I’m always invited, though I typically don’t go. That’s their time to be together, without me hanging around, but it means the world to me that even as the years go by, and time and miles separate us, John makes sure I know I have a place in his life and always will.

CHAPTER ONE

JT

Twenty-two years later

“How was yourdate last night?” Reggie asks while we have a few minutes downtime at Black Salt, the restaurant where we’re both waiters. We got hired around the same time about two years ago and hit it off right away, eventually becoming roommates and best friends. Reggie is working here while he goes to college, but for me, I simply like the atmosphere. I like being surrounded by food and seeing people on dates, celebrating birthdays, or a group of women on a girls’ night out. Being satisfied here is something my dad can’t understand, and it’s the topic of way too many conversations in the Dirks family.

He and I are different. He always knew what he wanted—to go to college to be a dentist, to marry my mom and have a family—and he accomplished all that despite having me when they were eighteen. My dad is like a fucking superhero. As soon as he conquers one challenge, he’s on to the next, but I don’t have the same goals. I don’t need to go through life being perfect at everything and using one accomplishment as a building block for the next.

“Not great. I would have vented last night, but you were in bed. He…wasn’t what I want.”

Raleigh isn’t one of the queerest places on the planet, that’s for sure. I’m attracted to older men, dominant men—I like to be told what to do when it comes to sex, or maybe even outside the bedroom when it’s with someone I’m sleeping with. Anyone else bosses me around and we’re gonna have a problem, but ifit’s someone I’m fucking? Hell, there’s not much I won’t do. But it’s not easy to find what I’m looking for. It’s never quite right…something’s always off, though I can’t put my finger on it.

“They never are.”

I chuckle because I can’t say Reggie’s wrong. Some guys are too soft. They feel more like they’re playing at this. They’ll say our wants and needs match up, but they don’t. Others are cruel, and there’s a huge difference between being harsh or demanding and being cruel.

I don’t want cruelty. Apparently, I want a fucking unicorn. Who knew finding an older Dominant would be so difficult? “My sex life is about the only place I have high expectations. Maybe I can tell Dad that even though I’m pretty easygoing in what I want for most of my life, I’m really picky and only want the best when it comes to the men who boss me around and fuck me hard.”

Reggie laughs. That’s absolutely something I won’t be sharing with my dad. Not that most people talk to their parents about their sex lives at all, but he wouldn’t understand. Being gay isn’t a problem for my family. My dad’s best friend since before I was born is bisexual. My parents are open and affirming that people have the right to be who they are and be attracted to whoever they like too.

But he’d never understand my desire to be used, to be dominated—would never understand that I want to crawl around on the floor and be told I’m a good boy. My mom and dad would think something is wrong with me because something like that would never cross their minds—especially Dad’s.

At the same time, he just doesn’t get that I’m not as perfect as he is. That I’m not going to college, and that I don’t know what in the fuck I want to do with my life. I don’t have it plotted out, and I’m okay with that. Still, even though I’m a functioning adult andpay my own bills, Dad sees me as a failure. He would never use those words—that’s not how my dad rolls—but I know it’s true.

“Sorry, babe. Wish I could help.”

Reggie and I have gotten each other off from time to time when we’re in the mood, but we don’t fully scratch each other’s itches. I might not be a twink like him, but I’m definitely a bottom. I’ve topped three times in my life, and all of them felt wrong and weird. It’s much easier for me to come with something upmyass than my dick in someone else’s. Reggie is the same.

“It is what it is. We better get back to work.”

---