Page 20 of Mine

It’s just something else to make Dad look at me differently, for him to wish I was someone else.

“Hey, look at me, JT. Look into my eyes and breathe with me…” I do, couldn’t stop myself if I wanted to. My gaze holds Marsh’s hazel one like his voice has the ability to put me in a trance, put me under or make me do anything he wants. “In…” I do as he says. “Out…” I exhale.

We do that together over and over again until my breathing slows down and returns to normal.

Marsh stands, goes back to the sink, and wets new towels.

“Don’t sit on the floor, please. It’s dirty.”

“Oh God. I showed you my hole” is how I reply, doing the opposite of what he said by plopping down to the linoleum and leaning against the wall.

He sighs, comes over, and begins wiping my forehead again.

You’re good at this…

I have to fight the words not to come out, and then I’m pissed at myself because of who he is.

“You lied,” he accuses.

“It’s only three years. I could tell you were unsure about my age.”

“It doesn’t matter if it’s only three years. This is about honesty. The kind of relationship you’re looking for doesn’t work without it.”

I roll my eyes…then see his fingers twitch like his urge to discipline me is almost too hard to control. Blood rushes to my groin again.

Christ, I need to do something about my reaction to him. The truth is, if he wasn’t my dad’s best friend, Marsh would be exactly who I want. There’s never been any denying that he’s an attractive man, but add in that he’s a Dom? That he’s older, sexy, caring…No. Stop that.

“Does Dad know about you?”

“Yes. It’s something we don’t talk about.”

Nausea twists my stomach. “Because he disapproves. He thinks it’s wrong. God, knowing him, he thinks it’s abuse.” Even though my dad is the best kind of person, one who would give you the shirt off his back, he tends to judge things he doesn’t understand. I can see him thinking any kind of impact play is wrong. He would never get why someone could crave that, why I would.

“It doesn’t matter what he thinks. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.”

“Christ.” I run a hand through my hair. “Hedoesthink it’s abuse, doesn’t he?”

“It doesn’t matter what he thinks,” Marsh reiterates. “You’re an adult and allowed to want the things you want. To need the things you need. Like I told you before, no one else has to understand. What you do is no one else’s business.”

But Dad doesn’t understand. There’s no question about that, and I don’t care…but I do. Marsh isn’t telling me anything I didn’t know, anything I didn’t assume. My dad and I already have a confusing relationship, so I don’t know why I’m letting this get to me so much. “Are you going to tell him about me?”

“No. God no. I would never do that to you. You and I didn’t know.” Marsh paces the bathroom, something I’ve never seen him do. “Now we know, so we’ll stop.”

An unexpected pang makes my gut clench.

Holy shit. I don’t want to stop. I still want the things Sir promised me, and I don’t care if Sir is Marsh. I mean, it would be easier if he wasn’t, but then…I trust him. I know him. Maybe a part of me sensed that connection talking to him online and that’s why I felt bonded to him so quickly. My subconscious knew something I didn’t. Marsh would take care of me in ways other Doms wouldn’t because of who we are to each other. “What if I don’t want to stop?”

He whips his head in my direction, jaw tight. “You nearly vomited when you saw it was me.”

“Not because I’m not attracted to you. Fuck, you’re hot, Marsh. You’ve always been hot. I freaked out because I was shocked and scared. But now…what if—”

“No. I’m not doing this with you.”

His answer hits my insecurities, like something rough scratching all my tender spots. “Why? You said I’m an adult,that it doesn’t matter if other people understand or approve. You wanted me. You liked what we did together…you liked being my Sir.”

“That’s enough!” he says, voice raised and nearly vibrating the walls. He’s not the type to get angry, at least not that I’ve seen. This is the maddest I’ve ever heard him. Still, it doesn’t stop me from pushing.

“It’s just sex.”

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