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“Mom?”

“He’s our family. He’s known you your whole life. You can’t expect us to be okay with this.”

“You know where to find us if you change your mind,” I say, then take Marshall’s hand. He doesn’t stop me, but he gives one more heartbreaking, pleading look at Dad, who turns away from him.

With a sigh, Marshall heads for the door, squeezing my hand tight, like he’s afraid if he lets go, I’ll disappear.

But I won’t. He’s my Sir, and for the first time, I realize that as much as I need him, he needs me too.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Marshall

“Do you wantme to drive?” Jay asks when we get to the car.

“I’m fine.” But really, I’m not. I went into this knowing what would happen, but it still feels like a knife to the heart. Like in some ways, my world is falling apart around me, and if it wasn’t for Jay, I would collapse too…but it’s because I’m with him that any of this is happening. It’s not his fault, and it doesn’t change how I feel about him. It’s just another way that life fucks with you sometimes.

“Let me see your face.” Jay reaches for me again, but I shake my head and jerk away. It’s throbbing, and I know it will feel even worse later. “I’m sorry. This is all my fault.”

“No. It’s not your fault. It’s just the way things went. I don’t mean to take it out on you. I just… I can’t do this here.”

“Okay.”

There’s disappointment in his expression, which mirrors in my chest. I’m not disappointed in him, but because I let him down—because I’m the reason his relationship with his parents will be even worse than it was before.

“I’m sorry, Jay. I should have fixed this. I should have made it better for you.”

“Jesus, Marshall. You’re not a fucking superhero. You’re human. There’s nothing you could have done to change this.”

Maybe my brain knows that, but the rest of me hasn’t caught up. “Let’s go.”

We ride back to my place in silence, Jay with his forehead against his window, looking out while I drive. This is usuallywhere I shine. It’s strange that even though I’ve never been huge on emotions, or truly let many people penetrate my walls, I’ve always known how to take care of others. How to be there for them and help them feel better. I should have the words Jay needs. I should pull over and not drive another mile until I know he’s okay, but it’s like I’ve lost the ability in this moment. I’m empty myself and don’t know how to get past that.

“I love him…”

I wondered, of course, but I think part of me worries I’m not very lovable. Not for most people, at least. John and Callie always have. Jay did in other ways, and now he’sinlove with me. It’s a bright spot in the darkness trying to take over my soul.

When we get home, I fight to push away the emptiness, try to lock John’s words away, to forget the way he looked at me, how disgusted he was and how I let him down.

“I’m so sorry that went the way it did,” I tell Jay the second we’re inside. He’s right in front of me, looking up at me with emotional blue eyes. I push the hair off his forehead. “What he said…about the things we do. There is nothing wrong with it. You’re not wrong. You’re not somehow broken for needing the things you do, and if you ever decide you don’t need them anymore, that’s okay too.”

He nods and leans in, pressing his forehead to my pec. My lips press down against the top of his head, and I breathe in the scent of my shampoo on him.

“Do you know those things too?” he asks. “Hearing it from Dad…that couldn’t have been easy.”

My hands move to his waist, holding him close. “No, they weren’t. But I betrayed him.”

“We didn’t do it on purpose.”

Not in the beginning, but once I knew who Jay was, I had a choice. I told myself I did it for him, but I did it for me becauseI want him so damn much. “What do you need from me, sweet boy?” I ask, rather than responding directly to what he said.

“To help take care of you,” he replies softly. “To be close to you. Can we just do that for a little while?” The simple question is like a magic balm, easing the tension inside me. I want to be close to him too, want our give-and-take to fall into step the way it’s supposed to, like a melody that sings to us both.

“I think that sounds perfect.”

“I’ll go get some ice for your face.”

I nod, and he goes to the kitchen while I make my way into the living room. After removing my shoes, I sit on the couch, face suddenly beginning to throb more.

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