Page 84 of Rope Me In

Presley strokes her thumb over the top of my hand, but she stays quiet.

“I walked up to this spot.” My eyes stay trained on the sunset, but my body feels as if I’m in that moment again. “I went to the ledge and stood there for a while. Then the rain started coming down, and it got slippery, like standing on an oil spot. I started screaming at the top of my lungs, pretending my dad could hear me. I wanted him to know how much pain I was in, how much shit he was putting us all through by not telling us the truth. I—” My voice breaks.

“Kade,” Presley soothes. “You don’t have to tell me this if you don’t want to.”

I shake my head. “No, I need to tell someone. I never—Presley.” Her name spills from me like a frantic call for aid. She clasps my hand harder at the sound of it. “I don’t think I stepped off the edge. The doctor told me I had an adrenaline-induced heart attack, and that’s probably how I fell. But…” I exhale. “I don’t know. I might have stepped off before then, or I slipped. I can’t remember. I was so angry, and I feltlike my heart was going to explode in my chest from the weight of it all.”

I sighed. “I woke up on the ledge below this one with Blake crying over me and pain riddling my body. We were both taken to the hospital, and after I underwent surgery on my arm, they checked my heart to make sure I didn’t have any blocks. That was a blur, too. I mostly just remember waking up in my hospital room and telling Gavin the whole thing was an accident. But, Presley—” My voice breaks again, chest tightening and that pain flaring in my sternum. “Presley, I don’t know, I don’t remember, I might’ve—” I lose my words, my lungs stinging as if the air I’m breathing has turned toxic.

Presley shifts so she can face me, her hand gripping my face that’s wet with tears for the second time today. “Kade, you need to take a breath for me, okay?” she asks. “You’re panicking.”

I jerk my head in a nod, attempting to focus on her calm features. She inhales, and I follow her, sucking in a breath. My lungs take in the air, but all I feel is pain. Pain in my lungs, pain in my chest, pain in my heart and soul. Pain I’ve tried to numb and keep from spilling to the surface. A lot of good that did me, because now it feels as if I can’t stop it.

“Remember how you helped me last night?” she asks, still no judgment in her tone. I find myself nodding as I suck in another sharp breath. “List off random things. Like penguins, cowboy boots, roses.”

I do as she says, trying to think of random words. “Laundry, football, raccoons, reins, peanuts,” I say, breathing between words. I don’t know how it works, but the pressure in my chest starts to lessen.

“That’s it.” She smiles. “Again.”

“Dancing, dogs, banjo, tractor, violin.” I exhale, my hands now steadier and my breathing more even. Her eyes soften, and she has me do another list and then another until my heart no longer beats in my ears.

“Better?” she asks.

My body is still tense, but I can’t deny that I do feel better. “That really worked.”

She manages a small smile. “Sometimes I can be helpful.”

I stroke her cheek, more grateful for her than I think she’ll ever understand. “Not just sometimes.” If it wasn’t darker now, I’m sure I’d see her blush at my words.

“Want to lie down? That helps me, too.”

I nod, and both of us start moving the food and everything else out of the way. Once we’re settled on the blanket, we stare up at the sky. I pull Presley into my chest, and she nestles her head into the crook of my neck. I inhale the scent of her and let it calm the remaining thrum of energy coursing through my body.

“You know,” Presley says after a while. The sun is completely gone from the sky. “When I was a junior in high school, I was in a bad place mentally.”

I look down at her while stroking her flannel-covered arm. “You were?”

“I’ve always struggled with being awkward and having anxiety attacks, but that year was bad for me. For backstory, my parents divorced when I was five, so I took turns at each of their houses. But my junior year, my dad completely checked out and decided to move to California. He didn’t even offer me the chance to move with him. To top it off, my mom had a new daughter with my stepdad, and their focus was all on her. I felt replaced, like I didn’t matter. And at school, I was the weird, nerdy, chubby girl who wore all black and preferred playing her violin to hanging out with people. I had a couple of friends but never super close ones.”

I mull over her words. Everything I know of Presley starts to make more sense, like the tiles of the Rubik’s cube of her have finally all aligned.

“I started to think the world would be better off without me. It wasn’t like anyone would notice.”

I don’t miss the way her voice wavers. I squeeze her tighter to me then and play with her braid. I’ve only known her for a short time, but it’s hard to imagine a world without her in it.

“What made you better?”

She lets out a sad sigh. “I don’t know if that’s the right word, but music saved me. Music has always saved me…or I should say, my orchestra teacher did. She noticed something was off with me, and I ended up talking to the school social worker once a week. I fueled all my pain and hurt into music. She reminded me I’d be going to college soon, that my life would change. She was right—itdidchange. And it was better for a time, until after college.”

“What happened then?”

She plays with the fabric of my shirt. “Derek happened.”

His name from her lips makes me want to deck the guy again. “Can I ask you a question?”

She looks up at me at my words, her hand coming to rest over my heart. Her touch is tender, and I can’t stop myself from placing my hand over hers.

“You can ask me anything.”

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