Page 13 of Rope Me In

The anniversary of Dad’s passing didn’t help quell those feelings, especially when I kept trying to understand why he left Gavin the Montgomery land instead of me. Why Dad, then subsequently Gavin, didn’t just fucking tell me we were struggling so badly.

The more I think about everything that’s gone down in the last year, the angrier I get. Gavin likes to pretend as if the sorrys we said to each other after my accident were enough, but they weren’t, not by a long shot. I guess I’m just supposed to be okay, move on, build this dude ranch, and act like everything is peachy.

“Kade?” Gavin asks again.

I blow out a harsh breath. “I’m fine.”

His eyes flick down my body, his gaze resting on a thin scar I now have on my right arm from surgery. “You know you can talk to me.”

“Can I really, though?” I ask before I can think about what I’ve said.

Gavin visibly bristles. “What do you mean by that?”

I grab the handle of the trolly the muck bucket is on and start to head out of the stall. Gavin blocks me, and the bubbling rage I’ve tried to tamp down gets the better of me.

“I meant nothing by it,” I bite, my head pounding harder.

Gavin’s nostrils flare. “I know things have been tough for you, especially with the anniversary of Dad’s death, but I thought getting the all clear from the doctor would help. I thought the drinking and the women were in the past. Now, it feels like you’re reverting back to how you were before your injury.”

“I’m fine, Gav. I’m just having some fun.” I think we both know that’s a lie, but I don’t want to talk about how I deal with my feelings right now. Especially when A, I don’t think he reallywants to know and B, only his judgment waits on the other side of my truth.

“Kade, please talk to me.”

“I said I’m fine!” I yell.

Silence fills the space before Gavin puts his hand on my shoulder. I tense under his grip. “I miss him, too, Kade. It’s alright to have feelings, despite what shit he left us in.”

While I agree our dad left us in a pile of shit, his statement doesn’t placate me. Gavin had a completely different relationship with him than I did. My big brother was treated more like a son and less like a friend while I was the opposite.

The day I lost my dad was the day I lost everything—not just one of my closest relationships but my future, too. Gavin thinks he understands how it felt to lose him, but he doesn’t. He can’t. And he never will.

“I have work to do.” I push past my brother and make my way to the compost bin. I don’t have to look back to know he’s following me.

“Kade, would you please stop? I just want to talk for a minute. I’m worried about you.”

“Are you?” I yell back, not turning to face him. Because I have to wonder if all his mother henning is out of actual concern or if he’s just trying to make shit less awkward for him, take the burden of his lies off his shoulders.

“Kade!”

I still don’t turn back. There are a few ranch hands around, and they’re observing us as if we’re two gorillas at the zoo getting ready to fight. That’s the last thing I want. I’d rather not have the people we hire thinking we’re a bunch of emotional ticking time bombs ready to go off. That’s not the way to run a business or get respect. At least that’s something Dad taught me.

Gavin puts his hand on my bicep and forces me to turn and look at him. This time, I do pull away from him. “Gav, I said I’m fine.” I keep my voice low so nobody can hearme.

“But—”

“If you’re concerned about my behavior, try to get it through your head that I had one night out after my appointment and fucked a girl to celebrate after three months of sitting on my ass and twiddling my thumbs. Fucking sue me.”

Gavin rubs the back of his neck like he does when he’s upset or nervous. “And what about last night, then?”

“I was having fun.”

“We were at work, Kade. And you made Presley uncomfortable.”

I think back to finding Presley’s blue eyes staring between the shelves after Gavin walked in. The thought has me wanting to tell Gavin that I don’t think she hated what she saw. In fact, I’d say besides looking embarrassed, she didn’t exactly try to stop me and the girl I was with from doing anything. I’m going to guess she watched the whole thing. Which I find interesting.

When I don’t answer Gavin’s question, he sighs. “I don’t want you to move backward, Kade. I love you and—”

“I’m going to stop you,” I spit out quietly. “I said I’m fine. You had fun when you were my age, so don’t act like I’m any different. Now you’re tied down and acting all mature and shit. If you’re jealous, just say that.” The queasiness from earlier comes back at my words. Despite our differences, I love Blake and my brother. And he very much loves her and is happy with his life. But I’m too hungover and pissed off to feel regret over my words. I just want him to get the hell away from me.

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