Page 108 of Rope Me In

Chapter 34

Kade

“I didn’t expect tosee you in here so soon, Kade,” Dr. Ellis says, her eyes warm.

I run my hand through my hair, feeling stupid for being at the doctor, but when my eyes find Presley’s, I feel anchored again. She gives me that look that tells me to answer, and I smile sheepishly at my doctor while taking a hold of her hand. “Um, well, I trust you, and my girlfriend said I should talk to you.”

Presley rolls her eyes at my statement while her cheeks blush at the use of the word “girlfriend.” It’s been over a week since that night in the loft, the night we both told each other we were in love. And since then, “girlfriend” has become my new favorite nickname. Turns out, Iama relationship guy.

Dr. Ellis crosses her arms over her chest and goes into serious doctor mode. “I’m happy to help you in any way I can.”

Presley squeezes my hand. “I’ve been dealing with some depression and, um, alcoholism.” The words feel thick on my tongue. Being angry or snide made it easier to admit these things—I could almost pretend they were a joke, even though I was being serious. But now that I’m taking things more seriously and getting help, it feels harder to admit that I’m struggling, that I have a problem.

Dr. Ellis nods. “How long has this been going on?”

I swallow again. I want to say since my dad died, but that isn’t exactly the truth. “I had my first drink when I was fourteen.” I pause, and Presley grips my hand tighter. “And the depression,I think I’ve struggled with that for a long time. It’s gotten worse after my accident.”

She hums. “I know we talked about this the last time you were in, but depression after a heart attack is three times more common than in the general population. And given that it sounds like you have a possible undiagnosed history, I can understand why you’d be struggling more in the last few months.”

I shouldn’t feel comforted by that statistic, but I do anyway, like maybe this isn’t all my fault. Though I’m sure Presley would say none of it is my fault.

“As far as the alcoholism goes, Kade, you didn’t tell me that your drinking had been more than social when we went over your history in the hospital. If you’ve been consuming alcohol since adolescence, your heart could’ve been weakened, making a cardiac event more likely. Given that you’ve had a heart attack, it’s even more important that you try to get that under control.”

Embarrassment creeps up my neck, and the room gets hot. I look down at my hand where it’s laced with Presley’s and try to find strength. I owe it to her, to my family, to own my shit, to get help. With another pulse to Presley’s hand, I meet Dr. Ellis’s understanding eyes.

“I know that it’s easier said than done, and I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but the first step is admitting that you have a problem and that you need help. While I wish you’d been honest with me about this before, I’m glad you’ve come to me now. The good news is, there are many things that can help you. Antidepressants and therapy are options. There are also free groups like Alcoholics Anonymous—I can recommend one here in the city if you’d like, though I’m sure I could find some online options if that’s easier for you.”

I bite the inside of my cheek, attempting to ignore what Dad would say about this if he were alive. He’d call me ridiculous and hand me another beer. But he isn’t here, and I want to continueto be here if for no other reason than to wake up next to Presley every morning and see her smile.

I nod at the doctor. “What is my next step, then?”

“Do you have a primary care physician?” I shake my head. “No problem. I’ll put in a referral for you. You should be able to set up an appointment, and, depending on what you need, they can prescribe you antidepressants or refer you to a psychiatrist. I’ll also put the AA group information in your patient portal.”

“Thank you.”

“In the meantime, do you have a support system to help you?”

The answer seems obvious, but I know she’s asking because she has to. When I open my mouth to answer, Presley beats me to it. “Yes, he does.”

I lift the back of her hand and kiss it, causing Dr. Ellis to smile wider. “I’m glad, Kade, and I’m proud of you for coming to me. I know it must not have been easy.”

“My support system is pushy,” I tease.

Dr. Ellis chuckles. “Something tells me you need that.”

Presley huffs a laugh in likely agreement. “Thank you, Dr. Ellis.”

“It’s no trouble. And Kade?”

“Yeah?”

“Maybe try some goat yoga.” She winks.

“Goat yoga?” Presley asks awhile later as I park in front of the hands’ quarters.

With a bashful smile, I tell her the story of the last time I was in Dr. Ellis’s office. I earned a smack and an eye roll when I admitted to flirting with her.

“You’re notupset?” I ask.

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