Page 39 of Weak Side

My breathing was picking up speed as I gripped my blankets tightly, doing everything I possibly could to keep myself together.I’m fine.Numbers floated throughout my head like I was back in statistics class as I worked over how my mother and I could pay back Chad’s parents if they demanded she pay up front.

His parents were kind to us, but they weren’t good people down to their core. It wasn’t like Chad’s mother baked cookies on Sunday mornings and donated to charities. They weren’t warm. They could be ruthless if they wanted, and although Chad was at fault by cheating on me, he was still their son, and unfortunately, our families were tied in more ways than just our relationship.

A single tear fell down my cheek, and I bit my tongue so hard it bled. My throat was tight, and the knot only grew tighter the more I tried to keep my emotions locked away.

I cleared my throat and gripped my blanket harder.

Am I not good enough?

Did I subconsciously become a shitty girlfriend because I knew, deep down, I didn’t love Chad like he thought I did? I cared for Chad—I did. There was once a time where his eyes in my direction made my heart jump. But he changed. I changed. And our relationship changed. It became more about how I could please him so he would stop making me feel less worthy, and less about how I could please him because I liked to see him happy.

I knew I was a people-pleaser, and I knew the reason why. There was once someone before Chad that made me feel unfit and less worthy. And sadly, I didn’t even know his name. My father’s face was a blur in my mind. All I had to go off of were my mother’s insults and disapproval of the man who I hadn’t even met. ‘He didn’t want you, Claire.’And apparently, neither did Chad.

“Claire.” Theo’s declaration of my first name was a slice in the hold I had on my emotions. A hiccup of hurt crashed through the room, and I quickly tried to cover it up by shifting under the blankets.

Did he hear that?

The tears were an open floodgate, and all my stress, worries, and hurt came out at once, and I couldn’t stop them.Shit. Shit. Shit.Not only was I humiliated, I was now embarrassed.

“Claire…are you ok?”

My pillow was wet from my tears, and I quickly wiped my face, irritated that I was crying.I’m fine.My chest ached, and my lungs burned from trying to hold everything in. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to breathe through my mouth slowly so I could get it together, but when I felt a dip in my bed, my breathing stopped altogether.

The room was dark, but I opened my eyes, knowing that my vision was completely clear now. My entire body tensed when Theo’s heavy arm draped around my waist, and his chest clung to my back.

“What…” I sounded like I hadn’t spoken in days by the rasp in my voice. Clearing my throat, I tried again. “What are you doing, Theo? I’m fine.”

His chuckle rumbled against my back as his breath tickled my hair. “I have ears, Bryant. I can hear you crying.”

“I amnotcrying,” I lied. My cheeks blasted with heat from embarrassment.

“You’ve gotta be the most stubborn person I have ever met.”

I wiped at my face again, and Theo’s hand gripped my wrist so tightly I couldn’t move it if I wanted. His palm against my skin was comforting, and it made my lip wobble. I couldn’t remember the last time anyone had ever held me while I cried. I couldn’t even remember the last time I cried in front of someone.

“You can cry in front of me, Claire. It’s alright.” His voice was soft and comforting, and those were two words I had never expected to use while describing someone like him.

Damn it.My shoulders shook, and if Theo wasn’t holding me against his chest, my entire body would have shuddered. His fingers around my wrist had lessened when he pulled me in tighter, and I swore I heard him shush me at one point. My tears went on for entirely too long—much longer than I had wanted them to—but being trapped in Theo’s arms came with a security that I hadn’t expected. My emotions were all over the place. I hurt in places that I hadn’t hurt before but was comforted in ways that I’d never felt before, either. It was like being pulled in two different directions.

Theo’s breathing had slowed against my back, and when I was certain he had fallen asleep, I began to pluck the emotions one by one until I settled on anger. I huffed with rage, hating that I allowed myself to crumble from a broken heart—if even just for a few moments. My chest was as tight as a knot as I swiped my cheek one last time before Theo’s heavy arm flexed around my waist.

“Moving on to anger now?” his voice rasped against my ear, ruffling my hair. My body stilled, but instead of shying away from him, I latched onto the quietness of the room and our candid moment.

“Yes,” I answered, being fully truthful with him for the first time. Since the moment we met, we’d done nothing but dish out quick jabs and tortured each other with roommate antics feigned by irritation. I’d hidden parts of myself from him and the rest of the world, but I was too worked up and feeling too messy to hide what I was feeling.

“Good,” he whispered, encouraging me. “You should be angry.”

I nodded against his chest, feeling more worked up the longer I lay there.

“So, what are you gonna do about it?” he asked. His arm had moved slightly over the dip in my torso as he turned to his back. Something tingly moved through my body like a slow-rising tidal wave, and there was a pesky little thought in the back of my head that was egging me on to act on my anger in the most deviant way, especially for me.

A shaky breath shuddered from my mouth as I turned onto my side, facing Theo. My quiet voice, with a hint of hoarseness from the inescapable emotions, floated out in front of us. “This isn’t me,” I admitted, feeling unsure but so incredibly angry and hurt at the same time that I didn’t really care.

“What isn’t?” Theo asked, turning his head in my direction. I couldn’t see his face, but I felt his breath land on my lips, and there was a mysterious push against my back that made me hook my leg over his body. His hand slapped over my thigh, spreading his fingers out wide. “Claire.” His breath was heavy. “Don’t do this to me.”

I froze, unsure of what to do. I began teetering on the force inside my belly that was unfamiliar but too enticing not to follow. I didn’t want to think about Chad, or his mouth on someone else, or how unworthy I had felt after seeing him with someone else, or what tomorrow might bring. Even if it was just for a split second. Nothing more than a blink of an eye.

Theo’s hand on my leg gripped me even harder, his fingers digging into my skin with a bite that I didn’t realize I enjoyed until he quickly pulled it away and placed it on my hip, pulling me on top of him in record speed.

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