Page 82 of You Float My Boat

‘Aren’t you going to say I told you so?’

I glanced over to Brooks to see if he knew what Oz was talking about, but he looked as baffled as I felt. ‘What?’

‘You told me love sucks. I should have listened to you, Charlie. Relationships are the worst. How long until this feeling goes away?’ he blurted out, before taking a glug of water so huge that I was expecting him to throw up again.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Brooks’ eyes flare.

I took a deep breath, and made another attempt at rubbing away the impending headache which seemed to have appeared from nowhere, though more likely the whisky fumes emanating from Oz.

For the first time I wished I hadn’t been so vocal about my stance on love, or relationships, or girls period for that matter. Because even though I was staring directly at clear-cut evidence of the adverse effects of love, somehow I couldn’t quite bring myself to agree with him.

That maybe love, or relationships, or girls weren’t quite as awful as I’d once thought.

The Violet Effect.

‘Oz …’ I began, only to be interrupted.

‘Charlie, how long until it feels like my chest isn’t haemorrhaging?’ he snapped, and once more slumped onto my shoulder.

It had been a long time since I’d thought about the day Evie and I had broken up, the first time. My seventeen-year-old self had never known pain like it. The days that followed were like I had to learn everything again from scratch – how to breathe, how to think, how to move hour by hour while my heart slowly bled out. Weeks passed. I trudged through. If Oz and Brooks hadn’t been with me, I would have failed all my end-of-term exams because I simply wouldn’t have turned up. I lost the will to care.

The two of them were solely responsible for me finishing the last month of the summer term and passing my A-Levels.

They distracted me. They forced me to concentrate on rowing.

The fact I’d medalled in the Under-23s World Championships was all credit to them.

Eventually my heart healed, we rowed more, we recuperated in Greece at Oz’s family home, and once our gap year was over we made our way up the M40 to Oxford. Where Evie also was.

The inevitable happened.

It wasn’t quite so bad the second time around, but it was enough that I knew I never wanted to go through it ever again. I thought I’d never heal.

It took meeting Violet in the pub to realize that I’d healed a long time ago.

‘I don’t know, Oz. I think it’s unique to everyone.’

‘But you never got over Evie,’ he sniffed, pressing his palms so hard into his eyes they turned even redder.

‘I … I did. I have. I just …’

What? What had I just?

I’d been thinking about it over the past few weeks. That panic fight or flight mode I’d fallen into the second I’d heard she’d be joining my class, terrified I’d revert to the teenager wrapped around her finger. But it was nothing more than a knee-jerk response. My body remembering the way it used to react whenever Evie was concerned. When the reality was I couldn’t recall the last time I’d thought about her.

Even having her in class with me had been less anxiety inducing than I’d expected. I still ignored her, but more because she didn’t have much to say rather than using silence as its own response. Plus Gordon talked enough for everyone.

What’s more, I’d realized that the effect she used to have on me had vanished. I didn’t love her, I hadn’t in a long time. But I didn’thateher.

And that was new.

I didn’t hate her. I didn’t feel anything for her now. I was indifferent.

She no longer had the power to fuck with me.

‘I did get over Evie. Iamover her,’ I finally said, quietly. Quieter than I should have given the weight of the statement. ‘But this isn’t the same thing. Kate hasn’t cheated on you, she’s been going through a lot, and things got too much for her, but she hasn’t stopped loving you. You’re older than I was back then. I didn’t know any better.’

Oz lifted his head, pinning me with a look whichwould have had most people stepping back. It was intense to say the least. ‘What are you saying? You think I can get her back?’

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