Page 74 of You Float My Boat

‘Come on. Follow me.’ He squeezed my hand again and pulled me past the line. I had no idea what he was planning, but we may as well have been walking to the velvet rope at the front of a club, given the death stares being shot my way as I followed him.

‘Charlie,’ I hissed, ‘the back of the queue is over there.’

He replied with one of his knowing smiles, just as a man – an enormous man, no less – with two full sleeves of tattoos, a burly-looking beard and an apron wrapped around his waist, stepped out through the shop door.

‘Charlie,’ he boomed, his hand outstretched, ‘I wondered when I’d see you. We’re already two weeks into term are we not?’

‘Sorry Jamie, been busy. Better late than never, though, eh?’

‘S’pose.’

I came from a family of tall people. Charlie was tall, but this guy looked like he recited ‘Fee-fi-fo-fum’ every night, and I swear I heard a crunch of bones as his thick, meaty hand wrapped around Charlie’s and pumped hard. Not that Charlie seemed to notice, even though telling him to be careful was on the tip of my tongue.

Jamie let go, then slapped him on the back with enough force to knock most people over, but again Charlie seemed unfazed, ‘Come, hope you’re hungry.’

‘I worked extra hard at training this morning in preparation.’

‘That’s what I like to hear. How’s your dad?’

‘He’s good. Been looking at a new site. He’s hoping to lure you back –’

The rest of Charlie’s sentence was drowned out by Jamie’s booming laugh, but I stopped listening the moment I stepped inside after them.

It wasn’t quite a restaurant, it wasn’t quite a store. If I was being kind I’d call it a type of cobbled-together pop-up food spot, though if we hadn’t walked past several empty small tables all far too close to each other, wecould just as easily be in a butcher’s. White metro tiles, cement floor and random posters of cuts of meat only added to the aesthetic and something told me it wasn’t ironic. Maybe they’d moved in and never changed the décor.

Jamie stopped in front of a wooden table and chairs rimmed in aluminium; reminiscent of a desk-set I’d had at school. ‘Sit. I’ll be back with water.’

I did as I was told, taking one more look around before glancing at Charlie, hoping he was about to provide me with an explanation, only to find him staring at me with more enthusiasm than I’d ever seen in anyone before.

‘Okay, we have some ground rules to cover. One. I don’t share my sandwich …’

‘What?’

‘Two …’ he continued like he hadn’t just made the most bizarre statement ever, ‘you need to get a side of gravy because in my opinion it doesn’t come with enough.’

I glanced over my shoulder, still unconvinced this wasn’t some kind of practical joke. This had to be the weirdest place ever. We were the only ones in here, even though there were at least two dozen people waiting outside. If the air wasn’t filled with the distinct scent of meat cooking, I’d think it was a prank – although I wasn’t sure what sort of prank. Not a funny one, anyway. I turned back to Charlie to find him still talking.

‘Three … it’s Wednesday which means it’s Pork and Apple Pie day. It’s not my favourite, but it’s still good.’

‘Charlie, seriously? What? Where are we? I thought we were getting a sandwich.’

‘Shit, you’re not vegetarian are you?’

‘No.’

‘Good. Jamie’s not a fan.’

‘Of what?’

‘Vegetarians.’

‘Charlie! I’m going to need you to start from the beginning. What is this place? Where are all the people? I was kind of expecting Pret.’

We certainly weren’t in Pret.

‘Yeah, this is not Pret.’ Charlie looked at his watch, picked up the water which had been placed on our table and sat back with a grin. ‘They’ll all be let in in fifteen minutes. I called Jamie on my way to meet you and asked if we could come in early. It gets really busy and I wanted a little time on our own.’

I opened my mouth to speak, but I had no words; the last hour had taken an unexpected turn. In fact the whole of this month so far was unexpected.

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