Page 152 of You Float My Boat

I was utterly devoid of anything, and I honestly didn’t know whether it was from losing a race we’d spent eight months training for – day in day out, until our hands blistered and our muscles screamed for mercy – or because Violet was nowhere to be seen.

No, I knew.

The Cambridge crew were all messing about in the water, and I barely noticed as our boat was pulled to the dock by the Oxford support staff. Their faces weren’t etched in quite as much sorrow and exhaustion as ours were, but it was close.

‘Hard fought race, boys. I’m proud of you.’

‘Bad luck, guys.’

‘Tough loss. Chin up, there’s always next year.’

I nodded along, even though there wasn’t a next year for me. Not for Brooks or Oz either. We’d lost our final Boat Race.

Oz jumped out first, his focus trained on one thing and one thing only.

‘Go and get her. Don’t despair,’ he muttered to me, nodding to the hordes of spectators swarming by the boathouse as he took off to go and find Kate. At least she’d been at the finish line.

I took my time getting out. I had nothing to rush for except a hot shower and a plan of action.

‘Can’t fucking believe we lost,’ sniffed Brooks next to me, drawing a hand under his nose.

‘Yeah. Me neither.’

‘I’m going to get blind drunk tonight. You in?’ He looked at me hopefully, with big pleading eyes, before something caught his attention. ‘Ugh, never mind. Forgot for a second.’

I spun around to where his frown was trained. A flash of violet pushing through the crowds was enough to send my heart rate back to racing speed, and thudding so loudly that even the helicopters overhead couldn’t drown out the sound.

Not for one second did she pause in her sprint as her big azure eyes scanned through the Oxford crew and staff, along with another hundred family and friends standing around, until they finally landed on me. I squinted into the crowd … was that Gordon next to her? Before I could think any more of it, Violet picked up her pace until she ground to a halt in front of me.

‘Hang on,’ she wheezed, holding up a finger before bending over double to catch her breath, sucking in as much air as Brooks had as we crossed the finish.

‘Violet …’

‘Hang. On.’

I bent down and tried again. ‘Violet … if you need to get air in your lungs, stand up and put your arms behind your head.’

She stood up and slowly did as I’d suggested. ‘Like this?’

I nodded, biting the inside of my cheek to stop myself from laughing. ‘Yeah. Like that.’

Blue eyes locked into mine, her chest rising and falling with each deep breath until it steadied enough that she unlinked her fingers and lowered her arms.

‘You okay?’

‘Yeah,’ she nodded, her cheeks puffing out as a slow smile crept over her face. ‘Hi.’

‘Hi.’

I wasn’t sure what I was waiting for as we stood in silence, the pair of us staring at each other as though we were checking to see if anything had changed. I didn’t know if she wanted to speak or if I was supposed to say something first, because the only thing going through my head was that I’d never seen her look more beautiful. A bead of sweat ran down her temple, a thick strand of hair had come loose from the tie and curled around her neck, the pink of her cheeks … the pout of her lips … all of it. Beautiful.

‘Violet –’

‘I’m sorry I wasn’t here,’ she blurted before I could get another word in. ‘I’m so sorry. You asked me to be waiting for you and I meant to be, I was over there.’ She jabbed her finger over my shoulder in the direction of the Ship, ‘I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m sorry. I’m sorry you lost. I’m sorry if it was because of me, or anything I’d done. Thank you for the cupcakes and the poem and the recording, it was all so kind of you. I’m sorry.’

There was silence again, and I think she was done. But you never knew with Violet.

‘Are you done?’

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