Page 2 of Oar Than Friends

Only the mascot can be removed, and must be done without damage to property.

No booby traps.

The rules now hang in both clubhouses in full view of all rowers in the unlikely chance they might forget.

Anyway, back to the task at hand.

‘Charlie, go for it.’ I nodded, watching from the shadows as he shimmied up the ladder to the boathouse balcony and vaulted over the railings.

He was closely followed by Hugo Brooks, my housemate and number six, who was so tall he probably didn’t need the ladder.

They each whipped out a cordless drill from their backpacks and got to work. The high-pitched screeching immediately made me wince, and I scanned the area around us for the thousandth time, searching for any sign that we were about to get caught. I moved my torch across the water, the bright yellow light bouncing back over the inky black glass, but I saw nothing except the thick bush of a fox’s red tail as it darted away along the bank. The drill seemed so much louder than when we’d practised it, and I made a mental note to ask Charlie to invent a soundless one by next year. Because, rule four.

Thank God, he was a physics genius.

‘Shit,’ hissed Charlie, before he came in louder over the earpiece, ‘Oz, they’ve chained the oars to the balcony railings.’

‘What?’

‘They’ve chained the oars. They’re not just bolted into the plaque.’

‘Hang on.’ I sprinted over to the ladder, the bottom of which was being manned by Johnny Fellows and Indra Joshi, our numbers two and three respectively, and took the rungs two at a time.

Sure enough a thick black chain was wrapped around and around the spot at which the oars crossed over each other. Something Charlie wasn’t happy about, given the way he was currently looking at me.

‘Did we bring bolt cutters?’

Brooks nodded, ‘Yeah, but what about rule five?’

‘Fuck that, this is against rule six!’ snapped Charlie, holding his hand up in apology before I could tell him to keep his voice down,again.

‘I agree. They should have moved them, not chained them in place. How long will it take to cut through?’

Brooks reached behind him and pulled out a long pair of cutters, so big I wondered equally how they’d fitted in his bag, and how I hadn’t noticed them already.

‘A couple of minutes, I reckon.’

‘Cool, go for it.’ I slid back down the ladder as they got to work, and glanced at my watch. According to our practice runs, we had five minutes to go before we were out of here. We needed our getaway ready.

‘Frank?’ I asked down the intercom to our bow, who was more officially known as Vicomte François de Richelieu. ‘Can you bring the boat around?’

‘Oui, on the way now,’ his response crackled down the line.

‘Oz, what do you want us to do with the chain?’ asked Joshi, who was trying to take it from Brooks as carefully as possible, while Fellows was now halfway up the ladderwith his hand out to catch the bolts holding the oars in place which Charlie was now unscrewing. Finally.

‘Leave it on the floor. I don’t think we can use it.’

‘Okay, they’re loose. Are you ready?’

‘Ready.’ Joshi held his hands up for Fellows to pass down the first golden oar.

He took it as carefully as he could, gently laying it into the protective oar bags we’d brought with us before taking possession of the second one.

This time when he stood up, he was holding a different set of oars; a pair of Oxford University Boat Club oars we’d had made for this moment – navy with little pink hearts scattered over them. They were passed up to Brooks and Charlie, who deftly secured them in the exact spot the golden oars had hung a minute prior. As the last bolt tightened in place I caught the soft lapping of fresh waves on the dock from the corner of my eye, and pressed down on the intercom.

‘Boys, we’re done. Frank’s here with our ride.’

An echo of ‘on the way’ came over the radio.

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