Page 74 of The Baller

“Yeah, sorry… you can buy glitter bombs. We’ll send one every day. He won’t know when to expect them.”

An evil grin spread on Tanner’s face. “He’ll be finding that shit for years. It’ll drive him crazy. We can send them to his office.”

“He’ll never want to leave his house.”

The boys looked so impossibly pleased with themselves I didn’t want to say no… then Radley tried to muffle a giggle, only it turned in a yawn. A big one.

“Sorry,” she mumbled behind her hand, “I’m pretty beat.”

“Yeah, we can call it a night.” Pressing my lips to her head, I shifted her off my lap, immediately missing the warmth of her. “Come on, I’ll show you the way.”

Giving Holiday a hug, she waved goodnight to the guys.

“Hey, Radley, if it makes you feel better, our naked asses are on the internet too!” hollered Tanner after us.

I held in the groan as Radley laughed. I lived with idiots, even if they were kind of funny.

“Do you think they really will send a glitter bomb?” Radley asked, holding her toothbrush out for me to squeeze paste onto.

The agents had been back to Radley’s dorm to grab her things, and we were now standing in the bathroom while we brushed our teeth. I knew for a fact my bathroom had never seen this level of domestication, and as I caught her eye in the mirror for the tenth, maybe twentieth time, I realized how much I loved it.

Fucking loved it.

I nodded, scooping up water to rinse my mouth. “Unless you specifically tell them not to.”

She shook her head. “No, I’m not going to tell them not to. If Tanner wants to send a glitter bomb to feel better about Holiday, then I’m not stopping him. I wish I had the guts to do something.”

I sat on the edge of the bath and pulled her in between my legs, my hands taking all the liberties they could to run up and down her pajama clad thighs. “What d’you mean?”

“I never saw him again. I never spoke to him. Nothing.” She looked down at her feet. “I just wish I had.”

Hooking a finger under her chin, I lifted it. “What would you have said?”

She shook her head. “I dunno. I try to think about it, and my mind goes blank. There’s so much I want to do, but I don’t feel brave enough.”

“You’ll get there.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the full story, about the tape.” She looked down at the floor again, worrying at her lip. “I kind of figured you already knew.”

Again, I lifted her chin. I needed her to see my face when I said my next words. “You have nothing to apologize for. It’s your story to tell, and you’d have told me when you wanted me to know.” I dipped again to keep her sight in mine. “I didn’t know, but I’m glad I do now. I said it before and I’ll say it again, we go at your pace. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Thank you,” she smiled, “and for today… my panic attack. You knew what to do.”

“My sister used to have them,” I started quietly, wanting to share my secrets with her, like she’d shared hers. I wanted her to see she could trust me. “My dad left before I was born, and my mom remarried when I was around seven years old. His name was Steve. Sensible Steve,” I laughed quietly, as memories flooded back. “He was so boring. Sensible job, sensible car… I was already obsessed with baseball, but he didn’t like sports, any of them, and so I could never really talk to him. But he was nice to my mom. Anyway… when I was fifteen, I’d been away at baseball camp, and one night Steve came home really late. Turned out, he wasn’t that sensible. The company he’d been working for was a front for a biker gang, and he’d been embezzling their money. One of the bikers came home with him that night and began smashing the house up, looking for their money. He took a baseball bat to my mom, and she ended up in hospital with a fractured skull.”

I’d been so zoned into the story I barely noticed Radley’s hand resting on my cheek. Swallowing hard, I pushed away the guilt which always reappeared whenever I thought about it. I should have been there. I should have been there to protect my mom and sisters.

“I don’t think the guy knew the girls were there. Sienna was five and managed to call the police. Her panic attacks started a couple of weeks later. Every time she saw a cop car or heard a siren…” I scoffed, “not things you can easily avoid. I stayed home for six months, sleeping on the floor of her room.”

“How did she get over it?”

“She got older, she started to associate police with other things. She saw a child therapist for a long time. We all did. I don’t know if she’ll ever get over it totally though.”

“Great,” she sneered.

I grabbed the tops of her arms, making sure I had her full attention. “Radley, listen to me. Sienna’s panic attacks have made her a strong, resilient girl. She’s a force to be reckoned with, just like you. They’re not a weakness, they’re a strength. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. You are a strong, resilient, brilliant woman.”

She blew out a long, frustrated breath. “Everyone sees me as fragile.”

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