Page 104 of The Baller

The mattress dipped as she scooched up next to me to lace her sneakers. “You really want to?”

“Try and stop me.”

“I already lined up the holidays with them, how does that sound?”

“I think it sounds good.” Easing up, I caught her mouth with mine, stealing one last quick taste of her before she went home.

She pulled back with a soft moan, or maybe it was a groan. “I’m sorry I have to leave. You know I don’t want to, right?”

“Hey…” I caught her hand, pressing my lips to her palm. “That I got to see you at all tonight is a big bonus for me.”

She smiled, but it wasn’t the smile she’d been wearing a minute ago, especially when a sigh passed her lips as she pushed her fingers through my hair.

“Radley, what’s going on?”

“I wish you’d been my first.”

She’d whispered it so quietly I sat up, shifting back so I could be eye to eye with her, so I could see the perfect shade of gold flicker back to bronze like it always did when she was happy. I hated the wayglitter boy– as we were all now calling him – was still having such an effect on her. Onus. I fucking hated that she still carried shame for something she shouldn’t;that he’d dimmed the glow I only ever saw on her when she was truly relaxed, but wanted to see all the time.

I wanted to see the fire and excitement she’d walked in with, having snuck away for the first time in her life.

“Radley.” I hooked a finger under her chin to bring her eyes in line with mine so she could see how sincere I was. “I might not have been your first, but I can be your last.”

“What do you mean?”

“I love you.”

“What?”

“I love you,” I smiled. “I nearly told you earlier when we were talking, but I wanted to wait until we were together, so I could do it in person. And here you are.”

“You love me?”

“I do.” I held her eyes, waiting while she searched mine to see if there was any hint of a lie. She’d be searching for a while. “I think I’ve loved you since you were standing on the stool in Brown’s.”

“The first time we met?”

I gave one deep nod. “Yep.”

I stayed as still as possible, watching her chest slowly rise and fall as her fingers traced patterns along my skin. “One of the things I talk about with Doctor Jessops is whether I would ever get to the point where I could trust anyone again, whether I could trust someone enough to let myself fall in love with them.” She looked at me, blinking focus back into her watery eyes.

“I understand,” I said, keeping my voice as soft as possible. “I know how hard I have to work to get you to trust me, but I wanted you to know how I felt, because I want you to know I’m not going anywhere.”

“No.” Her head shook, and those two little lines appeared in her brow again until I smoothed my thumb over them. “I’m saying, I hadn’t realized I was already there. I’d already reached that point.”

“What?”

“I love you, too.”

Now it was my turn to be shocked. I hadn’t expected her to respond, I’d almost prepared myself for her not to. I thought I’d be waiting a long time. I sat back against the pillows while I let her words sink in. “You do?”

“Yep.”

“Well… shit.”

Just like that, her eyes warmed to bronze. Brushing her lips to mine one last time, she jumped off the bed and ran to the door before I could stop her

“Wow, I get myself a boyfriend and the romance has already died. Don’t forget my mouse ears.” The door had almost closed behind her when she popped her head back around it. “Hey, Baller, I love you.”

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